Marriage Conference - Preview of The Truth About Marriage — Proverbs 23

0:02 Hi, everyone. We're here with Ron Locklear, and he's gonna be presenting, just a a quick little preview of the upcoming marriage conference called the Honest Truth About Marriage. Ron, how's it going?

0:15 Wonderful. Having a great time.

0:18 Great. So, Ron I'm excited. I just got to see your background there, and I'm like, I I just made the comment here before we started. Wow. It looks like we're...

0:29 I'm interviewing Teddy Roosevelt if he was in modern age. So I'm already excited to hear what you have to say about marriage. But, Ron, what do you know about marriage and about marriage truth? You say the honest truth about marriage. What is that?

0:43 And and what do you know about it? Why should we listen to you?

0:47 Well, I know that forty seven years ago when, Wendy and I got married that, I didn't know anything about marriage. I've been a believer three years... I'm sorry. About a year when we got married. And within three years, we were on the mission field serving in a support level as a as a medical technologist.

1:13 And I had learned, and I was reading my bible, and and the only phrase that really struck... Stuck out to me was, husbands, love your wives. Just as Christ loved the church, and I thought, well, that's pretty simple. I'll just love my wife. And I think I have a very legalistic attitude that is what that would look like.

1:40 And, so that was... So we got married in 1973. We were on the Mission Ville by 1975. 1983, we've got, I guess, three children by that time. And and I remember standing, out in the in the the middle of a field.

2:00 I was watching my oldest son play, and for whatever reason, I I thought, wow. Where am I going? I I mean, I was a missionary. Think... By that time, I was teaching the scriptures.

2:14 But when I when I thought about my life and and and not only that, but but looking at the lives of a lot of believers around me, I didn't want my life to look like that in another twenty years, and and I began taking an inside look. Now that was 1985. So once again, by then, I've been married twelve years. And that inside look, taking an inside look, which led me to to to see the mess that I was in and and the fact that that that maybe I would survive marriage, but I'd never have a a a godly marriage. And I said, and I and I differentiate between a good marriage and a godly marriage.

3:02 So that that began my journey. And, listen. I've been sharing that. I've been really sharing that story since 1985. So I've been so I've been married forty seven years, four children, 21 grandchildren.

3:22 I've been doing marriage counseling for like, thirty thirty six years. Been an elder thirty years. There you have it.

3:33 Well, Ron, thanks for sharing that, and that's an interesting story. So I guess that's your story. But why should people care about taking their valuable time to go to this conference? Like, what will they miss out if they don't go?

3:56 If you're willing to settle for the mediocre in marriage, you get... If you have no higher expectations. I talked with a man yesterday. He'd been married forty seven years. He lost his wife three years ago.

4:10 77 years old now. Obviously, to be married forty seven years and stay together that... With the time, you've got to develop some social skills. You gotta learn to set boundaries and respect boundaries and and develop some sort of symbiotic relationship. And and you can live.

4:32 You you can stay together forty seven years. He did, and he's a very godless man. But if you want something more, if you want the if you want the nectar out of marriage that that that God has for us, if you want a godly marriage, then you need truth. You need you need wisdom. You need instruction.

4:56 You need understanding. That's Proverbs twenty three twenty three. And where do you get that? I I think the only place to get that is through the word of God and through others who are further along the pathway than you are and can help you envision that pathway. So if if...

5:16 So if if someone should come if that's the pathway they're on.

5:21 Gotcha. So if I'm fine with a good marriage or mediocre, don't come.

5:25 Don't come. I mean, why is it all a good thing? Except you're gonna miss. You're... You will miss.

5:32 I mean, if... You've gotta move something... In the heart of every believer, there there should be that desire for truth. And if if that's not there, you're gonna waste your time. Yeah.

5:45 But but but if if there's something in you that wants more... I I wanna be more godly. I want I want I want I want more masculinity. We only get masculinity from god. We only get femininity from god, and those are the two big issues that we'll be exploring in this this seminar.

6:02 So a good marriage takes a godly man that that knows something about masculinity. A good... A a godly marriage takes takes a godly woman who knows something and is learning something about femininity.

6:14 Yeah. And I oppose... I suppose that's that's opposed to the lies we've been learning since maybe not even knowing it since we were infants possibly, you know, that are tell... That are being told. I think we we all we all have these unquestioned truths that we learn without knowing them, possibly pre language.

6:34 And I think we all need that to consciously examine the lies we believed. So they... Oftentimes, people say, you know, ignorance is bliss. And I think you're here to say it's not. It's...

6:48 It it it certainly isn't. It... It's deceptive, and and and it can be very warm and fuzzy and comfortable, but it's not truth. And and and and there's there's something hard about truth. It's it's hard for me to swallow truth.

7:05 And... Yeah.

7:07 Can I just ask you? Because I... People coming here might be from very different backgrounds. Okay? And so when you said you can have a good marriage, and then you you can say...

7:18 And you can have a a godly marriage. And I could see when you said a godly marriage, there was something deeply meaningful about that differentiation to you. You know? Whereas maybe somebody who hadn't considered that, they didn't have it. Could you just unpack that just a bit more?

7:38 You alluded to it, I know.

8:03 Just a common goodness men who tell the truth, men who work hard, men who are faithful to their wives. And and that can stay together a long time, and and and many couples will keep that together. But does that... Will that goodness last? Is it...

8:21 What's what's gonna preserve that goodness? Nothing. There... There's nothing to preserve that because it's all dependent upon your self will. And many times, that goodness will break down in the next generation, your children, your grandchildren.

8:38 Where is there some... When we talk about godly, we're talking about that which glorifies God, not not that just... Not what just makes me feel better. And that good marriages are filled with me ism. Godly marriages are are filled with theism, and that is the study of God and and and and desiring God and and being like God, being transformed into into a God's image, which has something eternal to it, has a purpose to it, is gonna last beyond the grave.

9:17 And goodness goodness only gets you so far. You know, good men are not happy on their deathbeds. No no good man is gonna be happy on his deathbed. A godly man has has the benefit of of of of all that God is and all that God can do in us, not just for his lifetime, but but this... His his life and his marriage will go go on into eternity.

9:45 Seems like you're talking about kind of transforming marriage from this kind of quid pro quo transactional relationship that indeed has a kind of economic value on multiple levels to something that's transformational and become something much more.

10:01 Absolutely. Absolutely. Because it's all

10:03 about

10:03 image. Well, that's a broad statement. But the image... Do do do good marriages reflect the image of God? Does here...

10:19 Here's a marriage, and and let's say in this marriage, it's a good marriage, and I know marriage is like this role reversal. They they... The the woman goes out to work and and and is the head of the home. The man stays home, takes care of the kids. I know couples that that have been together like that for forty years.

10:36 They've raised children. It works. But does that marriage reflect the image of God? The answer is no. There's something missed.

10:46 That role reversal... And we live in we live in a world, we live in a culture that is the masculinity of men, and and that has transformed women into into something just terribly ugly, something terribly loud and not reflective of of of of the glory that should be in marriage, which is a picture of Christ and the church. So marriage... Godly a marriage is transformational.

11:23 Okay. Awesome. So, let me ask you a question. I mean, you... You've described a little bit kind of a little taste, and I'm looking forward to seeing more of that.

11:33 But what's in it for me? You know? Am I gonna get two... A marriage is two times better? Three x?

11:40 You know? I'm gonna three x it, 10 x it. What's the promise?

11:45 Wow. There there are no short term benefits. I mean, short term fixes for us, I should say. Short term fixes. No one's gonna walk into a marriage seminar and come out.

12:02 Walk in an ungodly... And all of us are ungodly. Will all my ungodliness be removed and transformed? No. That's that's not gonna happen.

12:11 But will there be doorways that will be open for us, thoughts to think about, to ponder? Will will there be truths that, wow, I've never really thought about that before. I I hope that that happens. Once again, that that will be confronted with with truth that will make us... That will be presented perhaps in a in a little different way that that God will prepare our hearts to to listen, and and it'll strike a a a cord in us, a cord that should be in us that resonates with truth, that that...

12:48 A doorway into understanding the mess that's inside of us and to begin to mourn over it and and grieve over it, a doorway into wisdom that that... You know what? There are some things that I can do. There's some there's some changes that I can make and and and to fall on my knees in in repentance and and yet asking God for for transformation. So doorways.

13:17 I I would say that's... You know, looking for doorways for something new, something better than than than the old.

13:25 Yeah. Absolutely. I know Proverbs talks about wisdom. Wisdom is personified as a woman who is just almost like a mother begging her kids. Please come into me.

13:41 Whoever you will, I will adopt you. I will teach you. I will give you. I will bless you. And I'm hoping that I'll find that or that we'll find that in the...

14:06 They're afraid to be seen publicly entering something, entering a room where, you know, here we are going to talk about marriage. And are people going to think that I'm some kind of... Oh, no. They might know that... Or think or wrongly think even I'm having trouble with my marriage.

14:25 Is this only for people who are having trouble in their marriage? Or are people are going to look at me funny? I'm gonna be looking around like, I'm just here because I wanna study and understand, but my marriage is fine. You know, like like, can you speak to that? Are we safe are we safe coming to this place to learn about marriage?

14:42 No. No. I think, at least, it's my desire that that no one... That that this this seminar will not make anybody comfortable. I think comfort is one of our our biggest enemies in in the church today.

15:02 We're we're far too comfortable. I I hope this I hope this this seminar will disturb something in us that needs to be disturbed. I I hope it will will open our eyes to see some things that we that we need to see. I I hope this seminar will will will give us hope that that there's there is something more. There...

15:30 There's there's something glorious, and and and I'm not there. And I know I'm not there. You know? When the when when the apostle Paul says that, you know, I I haven't arrived yet. I hope that everyone comes, to the seminar with that thought.

15:47 You know? I'm I'm not where I need to be in my marriage. I'm I'm not the man that I should be to my wife. I wanna give her more. I want her to taste more from me as a husband, and and and every woman has a desire as well.

16:03 I I I wanna be more beautiful for for my husband. I want to... I want him to enjoy me more. I want him to grow old, which was... It's a wonderful, godliness that that that says it all.

16:20 So that's that's uncomfortable. Not... I mean, comfortable. Not not a word I wanna use.

16:29 Okay. What if my marriage is on the rocks or I'm single? Is there a place for me to to come to come here? Like, literally, like, the the divorce papers are getting ready to be signed or signed or... You know, is is there...

16:42 Should I come?

16:44 Well, I hope that... I hope there's the... That it's communicated that we're we're all on the rocks. We're all sinners, and and we're still all struggling. And and and, yeah, there there are some that are struggling more than others, but but we're all struggling.

17:06 If if there's a husband there that says, look. I'm I'm... I've made it. I've I've I've crossed the line. I don't have any more work to do.

17:16 Boy, I I hope something's disrupted there. And I I think all of us can can can just rest in the fact that all of humanity is flawed. All all husbands are flawed. All wives are flawed. And and yet there's a god who loves us, who who sent his son to redeem us, and we have the holy spirit to lead us and to guide us into more of of what he wants us to be personally as well as in our marriages.

17:52 So I I hope people will come with that with that knowledge.

17:57 Yeah.

17:57 And and if not, gain that knowledge while they're there.

18:13 Yeah. Here's an interesting point, Andy. I mentioned I've been counseling now thirty six years, and and I counsel believers, I counsel unbelievers. My experience, Unbelievers most times are more open to truth in counseling than believers. Unbelievers come looking for truth.

18:52 Believers many time come thinking that they have the entire repository of truth. And so, you know, I I really sympathize. I I I reach out. I I I really try to connect with with with unbelievers. I'm always excited to to talk to unbelievers.

19:17 Like, you know, I... I'll make a statement. I always find it more enjoyable counseling unbelievers than believers. Once again, they're just more open. And I think I hope every...

19:30 If there's an unbeliever there that they're gonna be... That they'll feel, wow. This is me. This this is exciting. I...

19:37 That they'll hear things that that that really give them hope.

19:40 Okay.

19:41 Many believers have lost hope, and and I hope that hope is restored

19:46 Yeah.

19:47 During this.

19:51 So let me ask you a question. Now I I believe that you have... You you have made you've made your services available to actually counsel. You'll be scheduling... You'll be in town for a week, and you're you're willing to make your schedule available as much as it fills up to meet with individuals and or couples to have one on one.

20:21 Why would someone do that? How how is that different than, say, just learning information? What's the benefit of that? And are you charging anything?

20:33 No. There's no charge. The, you know, the charges of, of course, time. By the truth, how how do make it? Truth is so...

20:47 Is is core. It's essential. Life depends upon truth. When the Lord says, I am the way, the truth, that's... He's absolutely core, and and and he he is the source of all truth.

21:04 How do really get that? Only through him. Only through those that can... I mean, we can... We...

21:14 We've got our bibles, but, you know, God also gave gifts to the church, teachers to help to help us travel down this this road of truth. Why come? Why seek counseling? Once again, you want more out of your marriage. You're...

21:33 You you you you realize that that that this person who is older perhaps and and has more experience... And that's one of the things I've always done in my life. I've I've sought out older men who I knew... When when I when I when I came into contact with them, I knew this man is further down the road than I am, And and something attracted me to that. There's...

22:03 I wanted truth, and I was willing to buy it. How did I buy it? No one ever charged me for truth, but I had to buy it with my time. I had to I had to put energy into this. I had to pursue it.

22:15 And counseling is like that. You're buying truth. In secular counseling, you won't have to pay for it. But freely receive, freely give. And and and so, you know, if I can help someone along the way...

22:33 I've made every mistake along the way, I believe. And if I can help someone not not waste so many years, not fall into the same holes, pits that I fell into, stay away from the mistakes, and and and move forward earlier in life and enjoy and and and and grow and become godly and and and and once again enjoy their marriages. That's what it's all about.

23:11 Well, you know, I've I've contemplated a lot, like, the narrow view each of us has into reality. Just my own experience is so limited as to the in... Kind of the infinite expanse of what God has put put in terms of the total truth. Right? So here I am trying to use my own experience and and maybe a little truth here and there that I can glean from God's word or other people.

23:44 And I'm trying to see like what is real? How should I go? And sometimes you just need someone looking the other direction back at you that can see from an outside view. And they can compare their own experience to yours and then say, you know what? And they...

24:04 And and they can speak truth from a a perspective that's farther along the road like you said. They can illuminate the many blind spots that we all have. You know, many people think that they don't have any problems. And indeed, maybe they do have a good marriage or a good life. Right?

24:28 But I I think you could rightly say that if you think you don't have any problems, you have a problem, a bigger one Yeah. Than if you do. You know? And if you can't acknowledge that blind spot... And so even if things are good, some...

24:46 It might be more that you've just gotten comfortable to mediocre. Yeah. Gotten used to it than it really being good. That would be my thought. And I...

24:54 And I'm I'm so happy that you have volunteered your time. Should I be suspicious? Is there a is there a is there a catch? I think you made it clear that you just wanna share.

25:14 I I think I got saved when I was when I was 22, got married when I was 23. Didn't know what I wanted to do with my life. I I I went lots of different directions. After I got saved and had been married and and...

25:31 What do you what do mean by saved? You keep on saying that.

25:33 You know, when I came face to face with with the fact that there was a heaven and a hell and a god, I became convinced. I wasn't really convinced of that until I went to to a period of despair. I was in the army. I was in Germany. That's where Wendy and I were married.

25:56 And and came face to face, and I thought, wow. They're... In in in spite of what John Lennon's song, imagine, imagine those who have imagined those who have... In fact, I heard that song, and that really stirred something. I thought, imagine.

26:09 Imagine. I can't live my life imagining. I've never knew the truth about this. And and I began recollecting everything I'd heard about God and finally became convinced Jesus Christ was the son of God, that he had died on the cross, that he lived again, and that he offered forgiveness for sins. And I'll never forget the night when I got on my knees and said, look.

26:38 I've wasted my life. Forgive me, and I... I'm giving the rest of my life to you. And I didn't realize I was making him my lord. He became my savior.

26:51 And what a difference that's made. What a difference that's made. I forgot my...

27:00 Forgot So we we were

27:02 that we're growing.

27:03 We were... You had mentioned you were say... I forgot to... We were we were... I think I I think I had asked a question about value and why you do this.

27:16 And you had you had mentioned about how you were lost. Like, you you didn't know really what you wanted in life. You've gotten saved, and you were just still so young.

27:22 Yeah. So so as I began to read, study my bible, ended up on the mission field, once again, study.

27:32 For for the uninitiated, let me interrupt you again. What does it mean to go to the mission field? What is what is that even?

27:36 Oh, boy. You're asking a lot of big questions.

27:39 I'm just trying to unpack some of the words that are loaded for those that might not be.

27:42 In our case in our case, you know, we we were part of, a... I I had a burden to to put my life on the altar for Jesus Christ. And how am I gonna do that? And and I heard about mission work, and and we began writing missionaries, and and we were commended to the work. I I was trained as a medical technologist, so I went to work in Africa in Zambia, 500 miles from the nearest gas station at a little place called Chautauqueloke, and so that's where, if you will, I grew up in my Christian life.

28:16 I was on the mission field serving the Lord as a as a medical technologist, but but God was still working, of course, in my my heart and my soul. And... But one of the things is I'm... So as as all of this happening, I... And as I'm studying, I came across...

28:32 As I'm studying the church, elders. And and let me get reading first Timothy first Timothy chapter three and and and studying elders and and realize, wow. These are men who love the lord's people, and and they want to shepherd them. And I thought, wow. I'd love to do that.

28:52 I was still young and and and totally inept at doing that. I was probably 26 at the time. You can't you can't be an elder at 26. That's a big statement. But that became a goal.

29:06 And and and I began pursuing that goal, and I would say that that... That's the direction that I've taken in life. I have pursued a a life, which means which means self examination, trying to grow myself in the things of God, and then having a passion for the Lord's people, for people outside of Christ, and desiring to help them come to find the peace and the joy that can only be found in Jesus Christ. So so it's been a passion of mine to serve the Lord's people, to shepherd the Lord's people. And I...

29:47 And and my passion my passion, marriage, family, children, the church being central in in a family's life. That... That's just a real fashionable one.

30:17 Really appreciate it, Sharon.

30:19 Come. Let's let's have a good time. In spite of all that I've said, let's let's have a good time. There there... There's something good about looking in the word of God and and and exploring truth and have a good meal and and and and seeing wonderful, eternal, godly principles and and and truths that can change your lives.

30:48 That's what it's all about.

30:50 Okay. Well, to everybody else who... Who's considering, I I echo that sentiment, and I also say mister Ron Locklear's week is filling up for the time afterwards. So if you think you if you think, you know what? I'd like to go.

31:10 And you know what? Let's double the pleasure. Schedule... Go ahead and schedule to meet with him afterwards at some point during the week. He's opened his schedule wide up.

31:20 He literally said, I am out of town. I will meet, I don't know, as early as the day starts and as late as the day ends, which sounds like he's pretty much just whatever it is, he wants to maximize his ability to contribute to whoever... And that includes single people. If you're... If you have something, you're you're you're like, you know what?

31:40 I'd like to meet with them. I'd like to have a conversation. Whatever it is. You can also sign up if there's any spaces left after you've been at the conference. If you wanna go there and, you know, get get get to know him a little bit more there, you can sign up later.

31:53 But there might be less availability. There might be no available. I don't know. You know? So so if you're...

31:58 If you if you saw this and you're like, you know what? I I... I'm actually really... Let... Let's go ahead and sign up.

32:02 Let's let's do the full thing. Make sure you register because we are having to close off registration because there's food involved and also a limited number of people that can be in the building, especially now with COVID. But... So make sure you register first and also register for a time block together as a couple or single or just you by yourself even if you are a part of a a couple relationship. And we look forward to to having you, seeing you, to serving, and we appreciate you watching this.