Marriage Conference Session 2 — Genesis 1-2

0:05 A lot of people say my granddaughters look just like me. Did you see? Alright. Oh, we went over about five or six minutes in that first session. You need not worry about me going over in the second session.

0:27 I'm never late for dinner. So, If you have your Bibles, Genesis chapter one and verse 26. And Let's speak to the lord again in in prayer. Lord, remember those two disciples on the Emmaus Road, so blind to you, even though you were walking with them and talking with them. But when you open their eyes and they saw no doubt as you broke that bread the nail prints They saw clearly then.

1:33 And so we pray that will take us back to the cross and show us afresh, our father. The nail prints in your son's hands that we might worship him all the more for loving us, dying for us, being raised again on our behalf, and who now invites us to see Him more clearly than we've ever seen Him before. And that can happen if your Holy Spirit opens our eyes this afternoon. Do so, we pray, for the glory of your Son and for our edification we pray. Amen.

2:28 Genesis chapter one verse 26. Lost truths for for men. As our culture as our culture eradicated something that that we need to grasp once again, It's something of masculinity been lost. In our culture. Our marriages, our homes, as something of femininity been lost.

3:31 When God made man in his own image, as we as we look at men today, do they reflect the image of God? Not just... Not physically, of course. Nothing's been lost there, but masculinity is masculinity is is stamped upon the soul of a man. It's stamped upon the soul of a woman.

4:05 Does our does our culture, our societies, our our home... Do do they do they reflect something masculine, something something feminine, or something been blurred? Is there an incredible role reversal taking place in our culture? Are are are men becoming more like women and and women becoming more like men. Is that taking place?

4:50 Let's let's think about some of these questions in Genesis chapter one and verse 26. God said, let us make man in our image according to our likeness. And we know that that's not... There's nothing physical there going on. Man would have a a a physical image, and the physical does reflect something of his soul, and and and woman would have a physical image and and there's something about a woman's body that reflects something about her soul.

5:36 Just as a nature, we we we learn spiritual things from nature. We learn spiritual things just from the way a man is made and just from the way a woman is made. There's something strong about the way a man is made. There's something beautiful in the creation of a woman. We've learned a lot just just in physical image.

6:05 Let us make man in our image according to our likeness and let them rule over the fish of the sea, the birds of the sky, over the cattle, over the earth, every creeping thing that creeps on the earth. God created, verse 27, God created man in his own image. In the image of God, he created him. God stamped something... Let me suggest on the very soul of Adam that defined him as a man and that reflected something of God.

6:42 Likewise, with the woman, God stamped something upon her soul that was to reflect something about him. Verse 28, God blessed them. Verse 27, male and female, he created him. Verse 28, God blessed them, and God said to them, be fruitful, multiply, fill the earth, subdue it, rule, rule over the fish of the sea, the birds of the sky, over every living thing that moves on the earth. Now, two and verse seven.

7:47 And the Lord God formed man of dust from the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life and man became a living being. A a a handful of dust, a handful of dirt, and he forms a man. Does that say something about masculine? I don't suggest that it does. That that very act says something about the shape of a man, of a man's soul.

8:26 Now chapter two and verse 21. The Lord God calls a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept. Then he took one of his ribs, closed up the flesh at that place, And the Lord God fashioned fashioned a woman. Fashioned into a woman the rib, which he'd taken out of the man's side and brought her to the man. The capstone of creation.

9:26 Man. Woman. And they were to bear the image of god. Now, we've already mentioned two dirty words today. Masculinity.

9:46 Femininity. Once again, masculinity, what what defines? What is god's... What defines masculinity? What is god stamped upon the soul of a man that defines him as a man?

10:05 And then what is god stamped upon the soul of a woman that distinguishes her separates her from masculinity that that that reflects something of the image of god. And if if if we'd seen man and woman under, under the ideal condition, if you will, of of the garden, and we had seen them interacting with each other, if we'd seen them interacting with god, what would that have looked like? Now, whatever that looked like and and and we don't see it today because we know the story here. Sin entered the world, and the world was broken. We've already mentioned that word in our first session.

11:22 That this world was broken. We read that that the whole creation is is grown... It's broken. All creation groans. But the the the the fault destroyed something as well, did it not?

11:48 Inside of man The fall destroyed, perverted, wounded something inside the heart of a woman. So something happened there to the image. We know that. So sin sin broke something. Sin perverted something.

12:28 Man would man would no longer be reflect in his in his manhood, in his in his masculinity, what should have been reflected. And and that that that brokenness and and perversion that that was initiated by sin, it it's it's it's continuing today, isn't it? Our our cultures are are contributing, if you will, to the perversion of masculinity, the perversion of femininity. And we read that in Romans chapter one. When you don't acknowledge God, when you when you disobey the precepts precepts of God.

13:26 The the very lowest form of sin is the version of masculinity, the version of femininity. Men with men committing indecent acts. Women with women. Society is at an all time low when when when all of that begins to happen. But but we wanna put our fingers on on just a a couple of things in this session that to help us think about what what masculinity should have looked like.

14:51 It's just a way of thinking. A way of thinking about what's wrong. What's wrong? What's wrong? The first point, there's something that has stopped in in the soul of a man that needs to move.

15:12 I'm going to embellish that a little bit. There's something that has angrily stopped. In the soul of a man that began... That that needs to move. The two two phrases I hear a lot in counseling.

15:39 Women, wives speaking to their husbands. Why don't you do something? Why don't you do something about this? That's a very chaotic situation. It involves a son on drugs, it involves a pregnancy, it it it involves some issue in merit.

16:10 Why don't you do something? Why don't you say something? That statement again that and and the man sits there and so often this is the case. So, the man comes in and and he walks in and he sits down and he takes not a comfortable position. He's he's not comfortable and he's silent.

16:43 The woman walks in and... How can I help you? And she's looking at him, and he refuses to look at her. And she's looking at him, and he refuses to look at her. Now, what's going on there?

17:02 What Why don't you say something? Why don't you do something? And in that situation, who? Who should move first? Who should speak first?

17:24 And those are gonna be two big words that we'll talk about. Movement and speaking on the part of a man. And I wanna suggest to you that that today, men are suffering from paralysis and from silence. They're silent. They're paralyzed.

17:56 And if if there's something angrily that is angrily stopped in the soul of a man that needs to begin to move, let me suggest that there's something angrily moving in the heart of a woman needs to rest, needs to rest, needs to stop. If if god stamped a strength upon Adam not just physically but I'm suggesting he stamped a strength upon him upon his soul. And that strength was to be reflected in him him moving into the world and ruling, conquering, even even speaking names for all the animals. That god designed a man to move into his world and and he was he was to be the head. He was he was to rule.

19:03 He was to speak. And God designed a a beauty. Designed something beautiful physically in a woman but more important, gave her something an an inward beauty that distinguishes her as a woman. And that beauty, that that beauty is reflected when she is occupying the role of god designed, ordained role for her as a woman and it is the beauty of quietness. It's it's the beauty of the inward heart with with fill with all of its emotion all of its tenderness.

20:19 And a woman a woman makes a beautiful woman. She makes an ugly man. And, by and large, by and large, women today, present women accepted, of course, are loud and they're ugly. And culture has a way, doesn't it? Culture has a way of of seeping in upon us.

20:59 What why why do when when the scriptures tell us about what's perverted in a in a woman, there's there's the paralysis of of the the silence and the paralysis of Adam when when when they're in the garden and and Eve is being tempted. What what was Adam? Where where was Adam by the way? Now, we read the scriptures Why? She gave to her husband who was with her.

21:31 Isn't that interesting? He's standing right there. This this this terrible interchange is going forth, going on. Adam standing right there. Now, should he have should he have stepped forward and said, Eve, let me handle this.

21:54 There's no deception on Adam's part. Eve, let me handle this. That that lack of movement. Now, god invites him for it because you listen to the voice of your wife. You were listening.

22:17 You should have been talking but you were listening. You stood right there. You were paralyzed. And the perversion for the woman and we get glimpses of it. Proverbs chapter 21 and verse nine, it's better to live in a corner of a roof than on a house shared with a contentious woman.

22:42 Do you do you hear that? There's something angrily moving. In the hearts of women today and It needs rest. That it's it's better to live on a desert land than with a contentious and vexing woman. A constant dripping on a day of steady rain of a a contentious woman are light.

23:19 Second point. Man designed to to to move into the world in which he lives and to speak. He's he's silent. He's he's paralyzed. A woman to reflect a beauty.

23:47 No no matter what's going on around her. We'll see that from the scriptures. She's to reflect in the in the midst of of of of chaos, if you will, a beauty that's divine... Defined by her her submission, her reflecting her her trust in god. And quietness but the second point now, that masculinity, masculinity is how do how how do we define masculinity today?

24:25 Let me suggest that that is defined not by what we as men do when we know what to do and we learn to do something. Most men learn to do something well. We should anyway. But that doesn't define us as... That doesn't define our masculinity at its deepest deepest core.

24:52 That masculinity is is better defined by... Not by what we do when we know what to do, But by what we do. When we don't know what to do. When we don't know what to do. It is at that point that something in our souls as men must move something in our souls as men must speak.

25:29 What what do we feel? What do we feel when we face the unknown? What do we do when we catch our son smoking? We find out that our daughter is having sex. What do we do when...

25:54 And these dilemmas of life. A friend of mine received a call at work and the call simply said, you need to go home as quickly as possible. You need to get home. Not nothing physical. Not nothing's happened.

26:24 They're they're well. They're they're okay. And all of these were misnomers. But come home immediately. He left work.

26:34 He arrived home. He found his wife and his daughter in tears, in in shambles. They're they're they're sitting there weeping. His daughter had been raped at school. They were seated on the couch and he stood there and and heard as much of the story as as they knew.

27:07 This is a crisis. This was chaos. What in the world do you do at a time like that? What do you, what do you do? What do you say?

27:22 He's the head of the house. They're in shambles. His daughter's soul had just been mauled by the ark enemy of old who stalks around seeking someone to destroy, and there they are. I I asked him, what'd you do? And he was blind.

27:59 I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to say. And I I I pressed him, what did you do? I'll never forget his reply.

28:19 He said, nothing. I just went outside and wept. Didn't know what to say. Didn't know what to do. What as a man, what do you do?

28:32 What do you say under those circumstances? Once again, there's something that has that's paralyzed in the soul of a man. There's something that is silent. Who knows what to do at a time like that? We we don't have a book of of emergency procedures that that defines for us, that gives us an SOP in what we say and do at times like that.

29:01 But you gotta do something and you've got to say something. Masculinity requires it. It's not defined by what you do when you know what, when you know what to do, by what you do when you don't know what to do. And I wanna suggest he simply didn't have the privilege to go outside by himself and weep. What do you do?

29:33 I don't know. But you've gotta wrap your... You you've gotta move. You've gotta wrap your arms around your wife, around your daughter at that time. They've gotta feel your presence.

30:13 He's gotta say something. And he's gotta... He's he's got to provide a strength in that situation that gives hope, that gives direction. Femininity, once again, defined by not what you are when you're cherished and loved. Easy to be a woman then.

30:55 Easy to reflect, if you will, the beauty that God has stamped on your soul. But it's not defined by what you are when you're cherished in love, but by what you are. And your femininity is used, abused, unloved, and no woman can walk through this world without being used and abused. What what goes on in your soul when when that happens? And unfortunately, that happens far too often at the hands We of men as as husbands.

32:07 When the lord said to the woman, I'm gonna greatly multiply your pain in childbirth, and and in pain you will bring forth children. Pain in childbirth, your desire will be for your husband and he will rule. Pain in childbirth, desire, and husband's rule. All three of those positive? This isn't isn't the blessing.

32:44 Is it? This is this is the curse. And I believe we have to interpret this. We have to interpret the the second two thirds, the the last two thirds of that as part of the curse. Pain in childbirth, that's that's the curse.

33:06 Your desire, a good desire, or something perverted in this desire, A desire that's that's hard to satisfy. What more do you want? How many how many men say that to their wives? I've... And if they don't say it, how many feel it?

33:38 You're you're asking far too much of me. Perverted desire and perverted rule. Your your your husband will will abuse you. He will struggle to love you. So putting it all together, Masculinity demands a strength, something strong in a man.

35:00 And she came to see me and and what a story. What a story she had. One of the saddest stories I've ever heard of abuse. Her father had opened her up to incredible abuse and I I I can't even begin to tell you the the abuse that he opened to her her up to as her father, a very perverted man who understood nothing, of of God and his ways. And she had married, you know, women who come from that type of marriage, home, and she married just a terrible man as well.

35:47 She'd been raped. She'd been raped three times. One, her father opened her up to it, twice her her husband had opened this up to her. In fact, he could have acquiesced to it. It's it's possible because it was two of his friends, and she came and when she poured out her her soul to me and just a terrible story and she was she was dressed in just a...

36:24 She was unkempt, would be the kindest thing to say, and I couldn't even tell she had combed her hair, certainly no makeup. And she poured her story out to me and and it was a long story, and I said to her at the end of it, you know, I'd I'd like to see you again. I'd like to see you again. But don't come to see me again dressed the way you're dressed. I want to see you dressed like that.

37:02 Put on something. Put on something feminine. Comb your hair. Comb your hair. Find a little makeup.

37:18 Why in the world would I would I answer? Why would I give such advice after hearing such a terrible story. She had realized in life that it was a dangerous, dangerous thing to be beautiful and she was in flight from it. Not only would she in in in flight from from from beauty physically, not everyone has the same amount of beauty outwardly, but she was in flight from beauty inwardly as well. And in fact, she had believed the lie that she was hopeless as a woman.

38:24 No... There was no more beauty left in her. And with those words, what I was trying to say to her was this, I I don't believe that. I I believe there's still a beauty. You still have a beauty and and and you can grasp that beauty once again.

38:52 We have a god who is capable of giving beauty for ashes. And I'd like you. I'd like you to move into the realm of beauty again. And she did. The the end of that story is over time, the Lord redeemed her.

39:47 No man has that. Oh, you can you you can have the masculinity of wearing cowboy boots. Hope no one here has cowboy boots on today. Maybe so. Yeah.

40:04 You you can drive a a four wheel drive truck with big tires on it. None of that's none of that's really masculine. My my granddaughter that play in the piano, she got a truck with big tires on it. Doesn't make her a man. No.

40:31 This recovery of of of masculinity, recovery of the strength that we need to move and speak into a world that has been marred by by sin that is that is broken that that presents to us a chaos that we so often don't have a clue what to do with. What it takes to to live and move and speak in such a world can only be found at the cross of our lord and that's where we have to go to get it. A man is to grasp, grasp something of his strength in acknowledging his wife as a weaker vessel. Husbands, live with your wives as with someone weaker. A man's strength must be must be, excuse me, expressed in a in a gentleness with his wife.

41:42 You know, the the the Psalm has said to the lord, your your your greatness, your strength, your gentleness makes me great. And and when when we learn to use our strength in gentleness with our wives, their children. And when we learn to to speak words, words that are shaped by wisdom and understanding because we're we're seeking the mind and the heart of god. Man's given the the the the the strength of understanding. First Peter three seven once again, husbands living with your wives in an understanding way.

42:35 His strength is being reflected in his control over his emotions. Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church. Don't be embittered against them. To have the strength of controlling our emotions in very very difficult times. My my friend didn't control his emotions.

42:55 He came apart. And a man is called in his strength to live above petty arguments and and misunderstandings. We can learn something of the relationship between a man and a woman. As I said earlier from the physical, we can learn something of the relationship between a man and a woman even from the sexual act. A man is physically designed to be strong and erect and to penetrate his wife and the sexual act and and what he does physically he is to do emotionally as well.

43:44 He's to touch the deepest parts of her heart and soul in in a in a wonderful way. And just as a man is physically made to penetrate his wife sexually, A a woman's body is is is made to receive her husband. To receive him into her. She invites him to penetrate her. There's something something wonderful in all of that.

44:51 Don't you care that I'm I'm having to carry this this load right by myself. How will they help me? The lord answered her, Martha, you're you're worried. You're worried. Not resting, you're bothered You're noisy.

45:18 Only one thing is necessary. Mary's chosen that. What was going on in the heart of Sarah when she was childless and she takes Hagar and Maiden and gives her to Abraham and says, take her. Perhaps, I can perhaps you'll give me a child through her. Was going in the mind of Rebecca when she goes behind Isaac's back and and devises a plan to deceive her husband into blessing Jacob.

45:46 You can almost hear her say, look at him. He he doesn't have a clue and he didn't. He doesn't know what he's doing. He's not doing anything. There's something angry there.

46:03 What goes in what goes on in your hearts when your your husband's just being a jerk? He's he's disobedient to the word of god. And god says, in those situations, give him something beautiful. Isn't that what it says? Oh yeah, your husband's been a jerk right now but give him something beautiful.

46:33 Be submissive to your husband so that even if they're disobedient to the Word they may be one without a word by by something beautiful inside of you by the behavior of your wives as they as they observe your your pure and respectful behavior. And if you notice in this passion that beauty comes out of a submission, her role in submitting to her husband. You can't be can't be manly without being godly. You can only get masculinity from from the lord. He has to touch us and make us and shape us.

47:20 You can't be... You can't reflect the beauty of a woman without finding a place at the Lord's feet and and asking him to do something wonderful in your soul. I do know this, that femininity thrives in the presence of masculinity, and masculinity thrives in the presence of femininity. And we can encourage each other in all of this. I hope that we will.

48:39 Let us come as men to our marriages in the strength of headship, loving authority that that sacrifices for our wives, our children. Restore femininity. Or that there might be a call to rest and submit and and for the the beauty that that reflects to be seen in a world that knows nothing about either of these. We give her thanks for being able to think through these things together in Jesus' name. Amen.