Marriage Conference Session 3 — Genesis 2

0:02 I know you stayed till dinner. Session three. Sir. Sir, how does that make you feel to have your grandchildren sing like that? I'm proud.

0:40 Let's turn to the Bibles. To Genesis chapter two Let's just pause and ask the lord to keep us awake. Pressure on the stomach causes drooping of the eyelids. At least it does with me. So, Let's ask the lord's blessing.

1:26 Father, we are thankful for your word your faithfulness to it, its power. It it's it's power to search us. It's power to open our minds and and show us wonderful, wonderful things. All the the joy of being found out in your presence. We think of that woman thrown at your feet and yet what a wonderful place it turned out to be.

2:14 Exposed but then that exposure and invitation to life. So, maybe our portion. Work our father, may your spirit once again open our eyes to see wonderful truths that we might glorify your son. Receive our thanks. We pray in Jesus name.

2:38 Amen. Genesis chapter two and verse verse 21. So the lord god caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man and the man slept. And he took one of his ribs then closed up the flesh. At that place, the Lord fashioned into a woman, the rib which he had taken from the man and brought her to the man.

3:21 The man said, this is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called woman because she was taken out of man. For this reason, For this reason, a man shall leave his father and his mother and be joined to his wife. Be joined. The title of the session once again, Becoming One Flesh.

5:01 It's uncharted. It's a man, a woman, a woman relationally coming coming out of the man. They must have sensed, once again, something mysterious, mysterious, something something sacred about this this entire act. And and then these words, they shall become one flesh. I just used the word relationally.

5:41 They they were beginning this journey together anew, and and they were they were to become one flesh. Now, we we get we get the same truth now from another perspective. This time from the lord's lips himself in Matthew 19 and verse six. Now, to it there. So, they are no longer two but one flesh what therefore god has joined together.

6:41 What god has joined together. In in Genesis They're joined. A man is joined to his wife and they shall become one flesh but here, they are no longer two but are one flesh. They are one flesh, not becoming one flesh, but they are one flesh. Both are true.

7:16 We we become one flesh. How long does that take? I can tell you, you know, once again, I've been married forty seven years. We're not one yet. We haven't become one in in mind, in in soul, there's we're becoming.

7:38 I was, I've been amazed. You know, recently, more than any other time. How one Wendy and I are in so many things. We started out poles apart. So, relationally, we we are becoming one flesh but that's what the lord says in Matthew 19.

8:05 They are no longer two. They are no longer two but one flesh. God has joined. God has done something here. God has has joined together.

8:18 Let no man separate. There... God has Genesis two relationally, they're becoming, but in in Matthew 19, let me let me suggest another word, judicially, something's happened here. Just as, when when when we come to the Lord Jesus Christ and and we place our faith in him, judicially, he declares us righteous judicially. Hebrews 10, we are perfected.

8:57 Our salvation, my my... Our salvation can never be more perfect than at that point. It's the the sin question is settled judicially once and for all. I'll never bear the penalty for my sins. But relationally, I still have a problem with sin.

9:22 Right? Relationally. My my my my salvation complete, my sanctification, why I'm growing in it. Adam and Eve would have to grow in their joining together, but judicially, when judicially, God joins them together. And this we we we have to see something mysterious here that that that takes place And and we have to bring our minds if if we don't already have it, we we have to bring our minds and and embrace it.

10:51 And when we make vows of marriage, judicially, God makes a man and a woman one flesh. And and it's to depict the relationship. We know this from Ephesians five. The relationship between being... Between Christ and the church.

11:26 And we need to take the covenant seriously. We need to ponder its importance that that we're bound now, by by god and this this mysterious sacred covenant. We've we've entered into a a one flesh relationship judicially bound by God. Relationally, all of that has to be worked out. We'll need the grace of god to to do that.

12:13 We are to and we're to when when god joins us together, he he gives us roles. He defines roles for us. God has given us roles as men, roles as women. The role of of of headship, he places upon the man It is to be reflected in the the the strength, the strength once again of of loving, sacrificial, gentle, authority. He's to reflect the headship of Christ in in her life.

13:22 And he is to exercise the the the strength of headship even when his wife refuses to follow. I believe that in in headship, a man must seek the mind, the will of god, and once he understands spiritual direction, and a man is to provide spiritual direction for his wife. And once he understands that that that spiritual direction, he should sit, teach, and and treat her, to follow in the spiritual direction. He gets feedback from her, But what if the what if the feedback is different? Then then the spiritual direction that that by the grace of god, he has discerned from the the word of god and will that will that discernment?

14:52 Will his understanding? Will it will it be perfect? It's not going to be. But once a man becomes convinced in his own mind and heart that he has spiritual direction, with with the wisdom and the understanding from the word of God, Spiritual direction for the church that we're going to attend, spiritual direction for for where we're going to live. Once again, tremendous input input.

15:22 He should get incredible input. He should listen. Listen attentive attentively to to the perspectives that his wife may bring upon that. But the end of the day, he is the head of the marriage and he must set a spiritual direction. And I believe it's possible that to look like this.

15:49 Spiritual direction. It's possible that that will look like this. That that the spiritual direction is is that I must go to California. When when when god said to Abraham, get out. Leave leave your father, your mother, your relatives, and you go to a land that I'm going to show you was was Sarah informed of that decision.

16:22 Now, did Abraham have to sit with Sarah and say, look, I've had revelation from god and and a man may have to sit with his wife. Look, based upon the word of god, these circumstances exist for us and and I believe the mind of god is not based upon a feeling in my soul. We don't get spiritual direction from what we feel. We get spiritual direction from studying the word of God and living out principles and precepts from the word of god. Not the the this idea.

17:07 Well, I believe, what's it based upon? I believe God has said to me, really? He did? You you've recently had some extra biblical revelation from god. Now, listen, we use phrases like this all the time.

17:30 What do they mean? Spiritual direction must come from a study of the word of god and and you you you glean once again principles, precepts, concepts, whatever the case may be but we increase in wisdom and understanding and we make spiritual decisions based upon the revealed word of god. Now, once once as a man, I understand that. I set that spiritual direction what and if my... What if Sarah had said, no, I'm not going.

18:31 I'm I'm sorry. I... I'm gonna take care of my mother. But god didn't reveal this to me. I'm not going.

18:45 Abraham, what should Abraham done? What do we do? What do we do with spiritual direction, men? We lead, and we set the course, and believe in a situation like that and and understand that there are a lot of extenuating circumstances here. But men, I believe that what we say to our wives is, darling, look, I love you, and I'm I'm I'm pleading with you to follow me in this.

19:23 I've I've I've tried to explain I've tried to explain my understanding of of of why I've made this decision, that's granting her honor and respect. We don't we don't shove truth down each other's throats. But I'm begging you. I'm begging you. Come with me.

19:47 No. Now, the spiritual direction was going to California, then I believe the man must go to California if need be alone. Now that's very drastic. It's a very drastic statement. I understand that I I can't imagine that ever happening, but I'm trying to emphasize the importance that that you cannot compromise spiritual headship.

20:20 It's not it's not a a a position, a role that can be negotiated with our wise. We have the responsibility to bear the strength of wisdom and understanding the searching of the scriptures and to make to make spiritual decisions with or without the blessings of our wives. Christ like. And and by the way, I I think we see this in the life of Christ over and over. In in in headship, in in exercising, just spiritual direction for life.

21:51 And that's the scene, isn't it? In first Peter chapter three and and and verse three. The husband has has lost his way. Yet she's called upon. Submit.

22:14 He's disobedient to the word of God and yet God calls upon the woman. Submit. And not only that, but but let something beautiful emanate out of your soul towards him. Don't withhold don't withhold the beautiful parts of your soul from him just because he's lost his way. Now characterless submission, that's not included here.

22:54 That is if he's setting a a a course that that in that that involves her participation in evil, she doesn't do that. She didn't follow him. Not at all. In fact, she'll have to expose him. The story of of Nabal and Abigail is a good example of that.

23:28 Where Christ anointed. Came to Nabel and he was... The scriptures tell us he was a worthless man, a fool. And he did evil. David had done him good.

23:51 He did evil and Abigail not guilty of characterless submission participating with him just a sire Sapphire participated participated with Ananias. But she refused to participate in in in this prosecution of of of David. And she went to David. And pleaded for the life of her husband and David... She saved she saved her husband's life.

24:36 But submission will require going down roads that you don't wanna go down. But as a rule and the role of submission, god requires going down that road. Becoming one flesh takes an incredible amount of time. An incredible amount of time. We don't change quickly, do we?

26:17 And I can't take my my wife in my arms and and turn a few screws and get her in tune with me. It it just doesn't happen though. I've I've I believe me, I've tried. I've tried. It does it it doesn't work.

26:38 But our souls are out of tune with god and one of the things that we we looked at in the first in in the second session was was getting ourselves in tune with god. And then we have to be tuned relationally with one another. And God does that tuning. I can't tune... Once again, we can try.

27:15 It doesn't work. I can't tune my wife. She can't tune me. But, as we yield ourselves to God, individually, for his tuning, and as as his hand begins to work in our lives. What our wives, and it takes time, what our wives will eventually hear, what our husbands will eventually hear is the sweet sound of the master's touch on our lives.

27:58 Now, if anything is going to draw them, that's what will draw them. If we're gonna be used in in our spouse's lives to to draw each other to the throne of grace to to receive help and mercy for the for the problems that that we face in our marriage. The difficulties, the barriers. If if if we're gonna be used once again by the spirit of god in each other's lives, then they must hear they must hear the spirit of god tuning my life. They must hear that.

28:47 They must they must see that. And that's what will that's that's what will draw them to the throne of grace that they might yield themselves to to that wonderful tuning that once again only God can carry out. What happens when one of us goes out of tune? That happens. Right?

29:21 And since my wife is out of tune, I I feel justified and not just justified. It almost seems as though I'm required... In order to deal with this, I'm required? That that it feels so much like that. No.

29:40 God says, you stay in tune. Leave her to me. Leave him to me. Stay in tune. Stay in tune.

30:55 We we we've mentioned that. Listen to verse five. Does not act unbecomingly, it does not seek its own, it's not provoked. Now listen to this. Does not take into account a wrong suffered.

31:23 I counsel couples and they come in and they've got accounts that are 25 years old. I counseled one one couple that been been married forty two years, forty two years and this is actually quite a few years ago for me now. But he had spoken some some awful words to her. Devastating. And for forty two years, she'd never been able to get over those words.

32:23 We can keep accounts for an incredible amount of time. I can personally say that, you know, there was an account that I kept in in my own marriage for fourteen years. How do you keep an account for fourteen years? Now, now, I have to confess. I really didn't know how to clear the account.

32:55 I I was so confused about forgiveness. I I thought, you know, once I forgive, why? It'll be... I'll take a deep breath and it'll be gone and I'll never think about it again. It it will never bother me again.

33:16 Is that is that forgiveness? Is that is that what forgiveness looks like? Beloved, I can tell you, it doesn't look like that. There are wounds, just like in the woman who's been married forty two years, that go deep into our hearts, our souls. And, they have to be forgiven.

33:42 And, you know, forgiveness is a huge subject. A huge subject. We can't cover it here. But, it takes, once again forgiveness takes place on two levels. Two levels.

34:05 There is once again judicial forgiveness and we offer judicial forgiveness to anyone just as god forgives us. That is, we... He will never make us pay. We'll never be... They're the penalty of our sin.

34:31 We... He grants that to us The moment we we ask Him. Judicial forgiveness. It has... It it takes place in the heart, in the heart.

34:49 And we must offer that. We must offer that to to to anyone, everyone, always, the moment we give that to others, the moment they sin against us, the moment they sin against us. Now that's that's the ideal. And I should say when as soon as we are over, the the the trauma of the sin, Whether it's someone raping our daughter, our wives being unfaithful, whatever the case may be, there there are no exceptions here. We must judicially forgive each other.

35:44 It's not my job. God does not give me the right. This is... You can glean this and study this in Matthew chapter 18. But I don't have the right to to make you pay for any sin that you've committed against me.

36:00 I have to give that up. Ephesians four thirty two, be ye kind one to another, tender hearted, forgiving one another, just as God has forgiven you. That's judicial. But what about relationally? What is relational forgiveness?

36:32 We find relational forgiveness in in Luke 17, and and there we read, if if someone sins against you, Now, the first thing I do, I've I've got to get judicial forgiveness out of the way. I've I've got to forgive them from my heart and god tells me there in Matthew chapter 18, if I don't forgive you from my heart, Neither will will god forgive me. He's forgiven me judicially He says okay if you're not going to let this go then we're going to have a problem relationally. I know this is very difficult perhaps to understand but try to grasp the main concepts here. You've got to grant forgiveness from your heart relationally.

37:26 Okay, well how do I deal with that? Okay, I've forgiven. You've sinned against me, you stole $50 from me. What do I do with that? I forgive you, you're a thief.

37:40 Luke 17, I've I've got to go to you and say look. I didn't realize but I I had the camera. I had the camera on and I saw you take the $50. You you stole the $50. Now, the word of god says, if if your brother repents, now, this is relationally.

38:04 You've already forgiven judicial in your heart but if he repents, forgive. You forgive him. But what if he doesn't repent? The relationship's broken. You don't grant relational forgiveness until someone desires it.

38:29 Now if if my brother says, look, oh, I'm so sorry. Can you forgive me? Yes. Yes. I forgive you.

38:42 If they don't repent, and you know the procedure, you've got to bring in another brother, another sister. It becomes a corporate matter. The church, the elders will have to get involved. And the person may have to be excommunicated and only unrepentant sinners fall in to that. And all of that to say beloved, love is not easily provoked.

39:32 We don't make a big issue out of everything. There there are some sins that are minor scratches, and and and there's a love that covers a multitude of sins, but but there are sins that go deep, and and and those have to be dealt with. But you don't you don't go around keeping an account of of sin I mentioned I mentioned sex in the second session there. And is sex the most important thing in marriage. It's not.

41:17 It's not it's not the most important thing. It's not it's not central. Now, having said that, when it goes south, it becomes central. And and will hinder us becoming one flesh. Probably there's nothing else.

41:41 I wouldn't say that. That's another right, Steven. It's one of those things that that that does make us feel like we're alone. When when when that part of marriage is not right. Let's just look at as we think of becoming one flesh.

42:13 The excellence of of love is as it's presented in first Corinthians 13. Love is patient, love is kind, not jealous, does not brag, is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly. Does not seek its own, does not provoke, does not take into account the wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth. Bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Beloved, that's what God is calling us to.

44:12 Nothing's too great. I want all of these things. And it's only when when we hit the storms that suddenly we we wanna go back and and rewrite about or even disavow them. You know what? I was just...

44:35 You know, it was just me and her there. God wasn't there. He didn't do any joining at that moment. No. It's a mystery.

44:43 It's it's it's sacred and remember our vows that that God joined us together. And we have a responsibility before Him to become one flesh with our wives, our husbands, and and to reflect that that that sacredness and that mystery that that that's reflective of of Christ and his church. And for us to go forth with with with a desire. I I want to experience in my soul as a man and my soul as a woman, what what God what God designed marriage for and and what what marriage can be. I I want that.

45:39 I I don't I don't want it to remain distant from me. I I wanna grasp it. I want to experience it. I want my my wife to experience my masculinity, and and I want my husband to experience and and enjoy my femininity. There's there's there's something beautiful in that.

46:05 May the lord may the lord make us