Marriage Conference 2017 - 03 - Talking With Each Other — Romans 8

0:00 Going to be a question. What is more important in marriage? And then there's two words. With an arrow so all the instructions are here. You don't need me to talk.

0:10 If you think one word is right, you do what that arrow says. If you think the other word is right, you do what that arrow says. Some of you are going to be difficult. You're going to you're going to want to say, I can't decide. I want to stay here in the middle and the security of the...

0:28 No. You have to decide. Even if it's... You think it's both, just to please Paul, this one has 1% more, so I'm going to go over here. Okay?

0:41 You can rationalize yourself through this. Okay? This is a difficult question, but it's meant to stir things up. I think it'll stir things up. Alright.

1:19 Somebody over here. You say listening is is the most important... Is important in marriage. The most important... Yeah.

1:26 More important. Somebody say, why give... Convince us why listening is important. Jesus said, he who has an ear, let him hear. There you go.

1:41 Okay. That's one reason... Argument. All said in what campaigning is too, consider the others better than yourself. And how is that related to listening?

1:54 Did you rather talk when you get your point, or would you rather listen to the other person? The other person. Ah, I tend to learn more when I'm listening than when I'm talking. I haven't learned much today. Wise men once said, the lord gave you two ears and one mouth.

2:17 But he still gave you a mouth. Just one. But yet you should listen twice as much as you thought. Faith cometh by hearing. Okay.

2:25 Anybody else wanna weigh in? Like to listen. Slug to speak. Slug to hear. Oh, wow.

2:29 Very good reasons. Okay. So you've built a very strong case for listening. Now we have some fine folks over here, few in number but strong in strength, who can build a case, a convincing case, I might add, for talking. Since you didn't specify what kind of talking, we're saying that loving communication is more important than silent treatment.

3:02 We said that you can't you can't listen to somebody that's not talking, essentially. So talking comes first. Communication comes first. I'm just saying that some of y'all's verses are out of context because No. We're talking about marriage.

3:23 So, I'm not going to talk when I'm just supposed to be listening to Jesus but you know, this marriage sucks a little bit. Do you wanna chime in? I think he was terrible. Jennifer says I need to talk more, so it must be important. Living with his wife in an understanding way.

3:49 All right. All right. Come on back. Find your best friend and rejoin. Yeah.

3:56 That was pretty mean. We have to have both, don't we? Yeah. We need to talk stuff through. And when we're talking stuff through, we need to be quiet and listen.

4:06 But before we get into that, we have one more dark chocolate nugget with antioxidants that's good for your heart. Ladies, tell all of us what the first dark chocolate nugget was. I love you. Okay. Let's do that in unison.

4:28 I love you. K. Good. Very good. Men?

4:33 This is risky. What was the second dark chocolate nugget? I am sorry. Oh, that is awesome. Great.

4:44 That was huge. I am sorry. Third dark chocolate nugget with antioxidants that's good for your heart and your marriage is a three word phrase. We don't always get to hear the words, I am sorry, do we? But we're still responsible to do what?

5:10 Who said that? Okay. Gold star? Gold star. Okay.

5:15 On that shiny red vest. The best dressed man in the house tonight. Who is the lucky lady? Male man, are you fortunate? Moving right along.

5:38 When persecuted in one verse, flee to another. She win the flower. Yeah. We'll give her a flower. For pedaling that sort of talk.

5:52 Where were we? Dark chocolate nugget, three words. We're still responsible to forgive. I'm glad you understand that. Some of us didn't know that.

6:04 We thought we had to hear the words or I wasn't responsible to forgive them. They're not sorry, so I'm not forgiving them. Can you imagine that happening in a marriage? Fingernails on a blackboard. So, You probably already know the three words.

6:28 I forgive. You. You. Let's say that altogether. I forgive you.

6:40 Oh, I was confused earlier. That's what happened. Ladies, your husband with that big, dumb, oversized truck backed over your favorite pot, Okay? Now you say the words. Turn to him and say, I forgive you.

7:00 Okay, fellas. She let the air out of your big, dumb tires. And you need to get to work. You're going to be late. Fellas, say to your wives, I.

7:30 Okay, now some of you are getting a little sleepy or a little bit tired of me. I want you, wives, you you set, you can do this. You set the example. You turn to your husbands and you say, I forgive you in a sense that he senses that you really do forgive him, okay? Just do that once.

7:50 Do this. Put your heart into this. Turn, wives, turn to your husbands. Okay. Fellas, now you do the same for your wife.

8:05 You turn to her and say it like you mean it. Come it, bring it up here from the heart. Some of you are having an awful time with this and you're not... There's no issue here. There's no flower pot.

8:22 There's no truck. There's nothing. There's no junk. And I'm still going, I forgive you. That's okay.

9:21 This is not it is anything but easy sometimes. Sometimes it's very enjoyable. Another response is I want respect. Oh, let's go back to easy because that was the first session on husbands love your wives and it was a a man that said, I want easy. Husbands, do we want an easy marriage or do we want a better marriage?

9:45 So, we're not into the easy thing. We will work at. Okay. So, the second one was I want respect. This was a man who wanted respect from his wife.

10:02 Which sounds familiar, doesn't it? And another one was I I just shortened it up. I want talk. I want to talk. I want to be listened to.

10:21 And that's where we are here. So, there's three talks that couples must have. I wonder what they could buy. Three talks? I mean, is this the birds and bees thing going on here?

10:35 No. We're beyond that unless you need help with that. Anyways, so let's get started. Husbands and wives need to talk with each other. Okay?

10:53 You two need to talk. You two need to talk. You two need to talk. Okay? You get the pattern here?

11:00 You need to talk to one another. Talk with one another. Sounds pretty elementary, doesn't it? It is simple. But is it easy?

11:09 No. Is it hard? Yes. But that's what we have to do. We need to talk with one another.

11:15 Someone mentioned about a cold shoulder thing. It's frigid. We need to talk with one another. When we don't want to, we need to the most. I wrote that because I've been there and it just came right out of my fabric of my life.

11:42 When I need to talk, that's when I don't want to the most. When I don't want to the most, that's when I really need to talk. So let's work through this talking thing that we're supposed to do when it's so easy not to talk and just to turn and walk away or be quiet. Talk through the tangle. Discuss the difficulties.

12:08 When there's something going on, start talking your way through it. I picked this up out of church leadership. There'd be an issue and it would just, it would never get dealt with. It always just kind of hover around here. It would surface and would go down, Surface and go down.

12:29 I'm thinking, let's talk about this. It's the elephant in the room. Hello, people. We're not solving this by not addressing it. Let's get it on the table.

12:37 Let's get our best minds around it and let's talk this thing. Let's get resolution. Same thing applies here in our marriages. When there's junk, say, start talking. I'm feeling weird.

12:54 Are you feeling the same thing? What's about this? Why was that? Probably questions are a good thing to start with. Ask, don't tell.

13:06 Ask a question. Actually, what this is driving at is coming in and making accusations and saying, you know, a judgment. Your behavior was wrong and rather than because I think that it was wrong. I mean, I I was reading this in in Joshua 22. There's a bunch of tribes that see something happening in some other tribes and so they come over and they got both barrels blazing.

13:35 Bam. Bam. Bam. I'm reading this. I'm thinking, woah.

13:37 Woah. Woah. What happened? Because I could read through the end of the chapter and come back. But they're just blasting away, and they got it all wrong.

13:45 What they should have done, in my opinion, was to come over and ask questions. Well, it looks like you're doing something here that's not acceptable. That would have been a nice question. So let's not just run-in and tell and judge. Let's ask some questions.

14:02 Let's get some facts. What were you thinking? What... That's not good wording, and it comes with bad tones. But you want to get into the thinking process.

14:34 And you're in this transition where you're saying, okay, I'm not just going to say I'm fine anymore. I'm going to tell them the truth. And so you start to tell them the truth. I mean, you're not dumping a whole bunch of garbage but you're just sharing with a brother in Christ some some challenges of the day. You're going to solicit their support and you get a sentence or two out and whoever you're talking to jumps in, interrupts, grabs the conversation, runs over here, starts talking about them and their day and stuff.

15:17 You don't care a whit about me. Listen. If you ask questions, listen to the answers. And the listening does not mean I'm listening in order to frame up my next question or to frame up my next response that will really bury you this time. Yeah, you've got two points on the scoreboard, but now I've got one that'll slam you good.

15:46 And I'm not that kind of listening. I'm listening to understand for the purpose of resolution. We got an issue here. Let's resolve this, and that's not a win lose. Listen with your eyes.

15:59 Again, this is this is you're you're getting junk from my life. Sorry. This session is a bunch of junk and and and you know, you can get a refund and if you put any love offering in possibly. But if you're it was a love offering, you wouldn't want a refund. Listen with your eyes.

16:21 There was a season of life where I enjoyed watching NASCAR races. And my mother-in-law would record them, and I could watch them at a time that was convenient. Blah, blah blah blah. So anyways, it's on recording and I could actually pause this thing, which will make sense to you in a moment. Well, it didn't to me at the time, but I would be watching this and she would come to my nice reclining chair.

16:46 We're set up here. And she would start telling me something. I have no idea now what, but it probably was important. And I knew she was there. I heard her talking, and I thought I was registering the words.

17:02 But sometimes I wasn't registering the words, and I could not recall them later. Not a good plan. Not sustainable activity. And in that process, I don't hear voices from god but I like to say I heard the heart of god. He he said to me, Paul, you're not listening.

17:28 You got this ear open. There's audibles going into this ear but you're not connecting. I'll tell you what, this race here that you're interested in, you can pause at. It'll be here when you come back two or three days later. Whoops.

17:45 Shouldn't have done that. I gotta be sure Judy doesn't hear these recordings. Just thought of that. Lord, forgive me. Judy, forgive me.

17:57 So, anyways, focus, focus. So, he encouraged, god encouraged me to pause it and turn my head like this. And look Judy in the eyes and listen. And I found that it helped. I had better recall.

18:15 I had better listening. I was absorbing more of what she was saying simply because I was making eye contact with her. And it told her that I was listening. When I'm doing this, she doesn't know whether I'm listening or not. Because I'm not communicating.

18:33 Listen with your eyes. Okay, guys. Whoever was on this side, he gave you two ears. Okay. He gave you two ears and two eyes.

18:43 Yeah. Now we're we're pinned down. We're going to have to listen. Okay. We need to talk with each other when there is tension.

18:59 Pressure cooker or blast? Any pressure cookers here? You're in tension. Friction, and you keep stuffing it in, you keep stuffing it in, you keep balling it up, balling it up, pushing it in, pushing it in. And what happens eventually when you stuff so much in and you hold it for so long?

19:22 My mom cooked potatoes in a pressure cooker when I was a kid. If that thing ever blew there'd be potatoes all over the kitchen. You wouldn't recognize them. They'd be destroyed but they would have a different form and they'd be scattered all over. It'd be a mess.

19:35 That's what some of us do. We just keep bowling up this tension. Don't do that. But then some of us, we're the blast. We don't don't have the time delayed fuse and blow up.

19:48 We blow up right now. Okay? So you're pushing back on me, and so I explode. I use an I use I get loud. I use an energy level in my voice that's uncalled for because we can just talk very clearly and calmly about things this way.

20:02 I don't have to be loud and forceful and moving in. I... We can communicate at a normal conversational voice. So I don't need to be loud. Usually, is involved in a blast.

20:16 It's uncontrolled. There's there's just a lot of emotion blowing up there. We want to avoid those things in our talking. The strike back or hide. If you come to me and say, Paul, you are wrong in this area.

20:30 You probably wouldn't say it that way because I wouldn't hear what you were saying. But you confront me with something that I need to correct in my behavior. I would be tempted to strike back and say, yeah, well, you and then name something that you blew, you you got wrong and somehow that would make me feel better. Well, I am messed up, aren't I? But I I have seen myself do that and or feel the urge or the temptation to come back at a person and say, yeah, well, you didn't do this and that's supposed to make my actions right.

21:10 When tensions are high, take a break. Yes, we do want to talk, but sometimes when I'm emotionally involved in high levels of tension, I'm not in a position to hear what you're saying. I'm probably not going to respond guardly. So I just need to realize that, take a break, Come back in and say, okay. Let's sit down and talk about this.

22:02 Husbands, which direction are you facing? This way? Okay. Wives, which direction are you facing? This way or this way?

22:11 Okay. You're all facing the same way because you're all on the same side. You are not each other's enemy. When you're in the friction of life and marriage, you find yourselves, you know, no. You know, you need a time out.

22:31 You need somebody. Woah. Stop. What are we doing here? We're on the same side.

22:36 Why are we fighting each other? Our bullets are going that way, not this way. Those bullets are in the forms of words sometimes. If one wins, the other loses and the other loses, then you both lose. See, my way of thinking is I need to win this argument and get my way.

23:09 If I win and Judy loses, our marriage loses. I need to understand that. I need to slow it down and get perspective. It's not about me and what I want. Love is concerned about resolving the conflict in a godly way and a way that we agree together on this.

23:30 And we may need to talk. Some things are not easy to resolve. It may take longer. The the talking may take more time than deciding do we want to go to this restaurant or that restaurant. That might not have been a good example.

23:46 Where do you want to be? Oh, I don't care. Wherever. Okay. We're going over here.

23:52 Why are we eating here? I don't like this place. And why are you laughing? Confession time. Confession with a laugh.

24:03 I wonder if you could have an altar call that way, Ray. Now we know who to pray for. Observing is not interpreting. You see a behavior and so you assume that that behavior meant this. She does not like me.

24:22 She did that. She does not like me. All you saw was what she did. You don't know if that is if she likes you or don't like you. There's no words exchanged.

24:32 Like with the Israel... Israelite tribes, they saw behavior, and then they interpreted that behavior. They were wrong. Their observation is not the same as interpreting. You observe something.

24:46 In order to understand it, you need to go and have a conversation with it. Remember the text about submit and subject? I saw the observation and I went to the text and had a conversation with the text and worked through that. We see each other's behaviors. We don't want to assume that that means that you don't like me.

25:09 You you don't like my mother. Talk about it. So now we've been kind of looking at the other person. Let's turn it on us. Sometimes I find myself frustrated.

25:27 Yeah, there's a surface issue. There's like I just don't think of anything right now. But yeah, that's there's a disagreement. There's somebody says something and and I find myself stewing around the house and I'm all in a penitentiary and I'm frustrated. I got a lot of energy here that's bad.

25:50 And I'm thinking wait a minute. This is what was said, why is that bothering you? It's not what was said, but what was said I thought meant that I could not be trusted. I was not competent. I was not worthwhile.

26:07 I wasn't needed. I was just disrespected. So it wasn't this surface thing here that was said that that really bothered me. I had to think and and go back behind that. I said, why am I so worked up?

26:22 And I realized it's because they don't think I'm important. I'm large and in charge and they don't think so. God says, well, there's a clue for you, Paul. Yeah. You're right.

26:35 We can't do that anymore, can I? No, Paul. You can't. Let's do this together. Let's run through this again.

26:45 Instead of judging and interpreting results, let's go in and start with something like this is how I see it. It looks like this. When you did that, it made me think. It made me feel. Let's start the conversations that way.

27:01 Maybe that's not what you meant. This may or may not work. I've heard there's some discussions about whether this works or not. Some say just jump right into it and start the discussion about the burnt whatever or the flower pot or you know just something that is bothering you. Start the discussion.

27:24 Some would say talk this amongst yourselves find out what's best for each of you. Okay? Honey, you know I love I love you. Right? To me that was, uh-oh, something's coming.

27:34 And I might go like get my defenses all up. Or I might say, okay, I need to be listening. This may be hard to hear. Used this in leadership circles and with people. I come alongside them.

27:48 You know I love you, right? And then I make an observation. And starts a discussion. Maybe that'll help you. Maybe it'll help the people you're investing in, the couples you're investing in.

28:29 You want your feelings heard. Oftentimes, guys, this is the case. I know for me it is. Judy comes to me and, well, just within the last couple of days, somebody who wasn't my wife started talking, saying things. And I was I'm ramping up on the fix it side.

28:52 Yeah. I'm a guy. I fix things. Give me the stuff. Okay.

28:55 Yep. Here we go. This is the fix for it. Okay. Next.

28:58 And that's not what was being said. I don't want you to fix the problem. I just want you to listen to me. This is what I feel. Just be quiet and listen to my feelings.

29:11 I wanna express how I feel about this. Some of us aren't too close to the feeling side of things. You know? It's it's a waste of time. It's not productive.

29:24 Oh, we're so wrong. I can see on some of the faces that feelings are important. Being heard is important. How many of you can read my mind? Well, you're not married to me, right?

29:46 But I know what she she should know what I'm thinking. I mean, she... It's obvious. She should know that. I need those socks on this Thursday.

30:02 So cold shoulder treatment. I'm climbing up. And I did that too. God says, Paul, how does she know why you're not talking to her? Because she should just know.

30:20 She doesn't know Paul. She doesn't know why you're not talking. Why don't you tell her what's bothering you? God does that. He just asked me a few questions.

30:33 He gets me backed into this corner and he always always wins. We can't that's our problem. We can't read each other's minds, we think they know what we are thinking. They should know. It's an assumption.

30:51 Talk. Say something. Maybe you want to try this. Do you think this would work? Do you really want to have that second bowl of ice cream?

31:06 Okay. This is out of the this is out of our book right here. Judy has said this. I like ice cream, and she likes me to live longer. She loves me.

31:21 Caustic cold shoulder. We talked about that. It's caustic. It's it's it's a mean thing to do with your best friend. Embracing the difficulty.

31:43 How many of you live for stewed tomatoes? Really? I show my wife people here do not like stewed tomatoes. It's been an argument for thirty five years. Okay.

32:12 Difficulties. If... See, to me, stewed tomatoes are like rotten apples. I mean, they're in the same category. Okay.

32:23 If there's rotten apples in the middle of your kitchen table or your dining room table, what do you want to do? What's your knee jerk reaction? Throw them away. Throw them away. And what's the timetable for that?

32:40 Yeah, immediate now. Yeah, I would agree. But difficulties, problems, challenges in life in general, and marriages in specifically are not rotten apples to be gotten off the table as quickly as possible. To put on a purlace and get prayed off as quickly as possible. Problems are there to be embraced.

33:27 Okay. How many of these digits? Thank you. Do you... Okay.

33:33 So what chapter of Romans? Five. Verses one through? Five. So you can go look this up sometime.

33:40 But it's a powerful passage that places problems and conflicts right in the middle of our developing growth and godliness. And it's based in... We don't have time to talk, but it's based in our justification. Because we are justified, we can embrace these difficulties. I wish we had time to develop this.

33:58 Very, very life changing paradigm shift, life changing for us. But let's just kind of brief it a bit. When we walk towards problems and difficulties and embrace them in the sense of resolving them, not like, oh, I love you. I'm so glad you're here. Well, that's not so bad either, actually.

34:18 But When I embrace a difficulty and work through it, I'm better off. What I like to do is quit, not to stay in the struggle. I want to want to escape. I want to run away. I want to get away from it.

34:39 I want get it off the table. But I'm no better for that. But when I can walk toward a difficulty and I do not have a solution for this. I don't know the way out. But I know I'm not quitting.

34:59 Lord, what do you want to do? What do you want to do through me with this? I don't know. And then I'll listen. Maybe something comes, maybe not.

35:16 It's up to him. He's wise. He'll tell me what I need to know when I, you know, I'm going to keep staying in his word. I'm going to visit with some good, godly friends. I'm going to keep praying.

35:25 Lord, what do we what do you do about this? Sometimes the answer comes quick. Sometimes it takes a while. But I stay in it, and when he supplies the answer, supplies the solution, the resolution, that's a good day. He just taught me a new way to put my faith and trust in him.

35:50 The just shall live by right here. It's when you confront problems that your faith grows and in that Romans passage, when your faith grows and you stay in the struggle, you have developed perseverance. It was a big word. You're like, oh, that's kind of weird. That's a lot.

36:08 What does that mean? Well, means I stayed in. I didn't quit. I want to give up. How many times do you want to give up when you get slammed with junk, misunderstood, falsely accused?

36:19 Staying here. Staying in. Develops perseverance. Perseverance is result in better character. I'm actually a better person.

36:30 I am more like Christ. I'm more godly, more holy, more righteous. I've I'm I'm accumulating some experiences here with god of his faithfulness and I can trust him. I go to him and he he supplies what I need to get through life, to get through. So embrace the difficulties, not, yeah, in marriages, but man, there's junk that happens in our lives.

36:58 Paul says, I exalt. He sets us up here. He says, I exalt in the hope of the glory of God. Now most of us are in a little different age bracket than some, but some younger groups would go to a concert and they would hear this band playing and they would all gather up front here called the mosh pit and they do something they call the pogo stick. Know what the pogo stick is?

37:32 Where they they jump up and down. And so they're all doing that. I think that's what that word exalt is and the hope of the glory of god. Yeah, let's celebrate. It's a pogo stick this.

37:42 We're celebrating glory of god. Yay. Yay. Yay. But then he says, and we also exalt in tribulation.

37:52 Oh, mistranslation must be a different Greek word on the second exalt. No. You're right. It's not. It's the same one.

38:00 So I want a pogo stick on the first one. I need a pogo stick on the second one. That's a hard that's a hard one to get around until we process that and realize the huge value that this this difficulty, this tribulation was in my life. This is a opportunity that makes me better. That's what embracing the difficulty is.

38:27 I think that's a huge thing here. Get your arms around that. Take a picture of it. Ask for the slides. We got to nail this thing down.

38:37 What time are we done? I've lost all track of time. Now? Yeah. Pretty much.

38:44 You gotta figure out the case. Sorry. You have the gift of encouragement? He does. See, I never really trust people with a gift of encouragement.

39:06 They have to say these things. Let's go this way. We're going get you a handout on this. It's in process. The process got started.

39:51 One of you take the test, it'll give you results back in a prioritized manner of what your love language is and it'll rate them, all five of them. And then the other of you, you know, do it again and you fill it in and get that. It's not a cure all, but it is a discussion starter. See, we tend to love the other person, our spouse, based on what we enjoy, our love language. Okay?

40:20 If it's gifts, then I keep giving Judy gifts and I'm wondering, I don't think she understands. Well, she does. No. She doesn't because I might as be speaking Chinese to her. She doesn't know Chinese.

40:34 But when we find out what each other's love language is, maybe it's quality time. Pause the TV. Give her quality time. I'm putting money in the bank, boys. You have money in the bank, you have money to withdraw.

40:56 Not that that's the motive. Okay. Talk with your kids. We're gonna... This is...

41:06 Talk with your kids is tomorrow's, session. So we'll, do that then. And talk with God. The best thing that you can do for your marriage, it doesn't matter whether you're the husband or the wife, the best thing you can do for your marriage... Woah, what happened?

41:23 Oh, because it's just there. It's not there. Let's try this. Is that more understandable? I'm speaking the wrong language.

41:31 Sorry. The best thing you can do for your marriage is to take care of your relationship with God. How are you doing at that? We're going hit this again tomorrow. But are you developing a godly, maturing relationship with your father, your heavenly father?

41:50 Or have you forgotten about it? Can you go long spans and forget that he exist and that you're accountable to him, that you're trying to love him? That's the number one thing right there. If we don't get that right, everything else is liquid, it's gooey, it's sinking sand, it's messy, it's not sustainable. This is the best thing you can do for your marriage, it's the best thing you can do for the relationship with your kids whether they're little or big, it's the best thing you can do for your job, it's the best thing you can do for your people at church, it's the best thing you can do for the people in your community.

42:26 We get this wrong, all of that stuff is at stake, is at risk. There's a song. It's like falling in love. Very good phrase. Remember, you may have to scroll back here for some, but remember when you first met and you fell in love and you'd spent some time together?

42:47 This is awesome. This is great. But you couldn't stay together. You had to, you know, you had your date and then you had to go back to your responsibilities and maybe you were in school and you're working on an assignment, so you're focused on that. But when that was done and you had a free moment, where did your mind go?

43:04 Your mind ran right back to your love. I'm thinking of her. I'm thinking of him. What are we going to talk about next? This, I think, is a great model for what we want to achieve with God.

43:20 I want I want I'm I'm focused now on these presentations. I maybe another time focused on getting some material to line up within a certain tolerances. But when I'm not focused on that, I want my thoughts. I want to find myself thinking about god. What we had talked about that morning.

43:42 What's coming up in the afternoon and what we have to work through. Where we're going to spend some time together next tomorrow. You know, whatever. I just want my thoughts to go back and continue a conversation that we've had with him. I want that kind of, I don't want god to be a theological statement that I assigned on to and agreed to.

44:02 I want to have, just like with my wife, I want that with God. Is that too much to ask for? Is that what God's asking us to do? Come in. Let's sit down and visit.

44:17 Read and study the Bible. And let's put talk with God in there. I don't say prayer could, but we hear that and we go... I'm not talking because prayer, I think we say, okay, that's the five, ten, thirty minutes in the morning. It's a certain time of the week or day that I do that.

44:39 I I just we're talking to god. I don't tell Judy, okay, look at it. It. We will pray. We will talk to one another.

44:46 I will pray with you, and meaning I'll talk to you at this block before breakfast and this much before each meal and a little bit on Sunday morning. I have freedom to talk to her anytime I want to talk, and she wants to talk to me. That's why I talk with God. And along with that is reading the Bible or reading and studying the Bible, not just simply reading, but we need to get into studying it and and and feeding ourselves some meat like we had out here. That is good meat.

46:12 There was a season in my life where I was reading the Bible like medicine. I'm not enjoying this. I'm taking it because it's good for me. And I'd force read the Bible. That's what I did and it occurred to me, I could tell god about this.

46:27 I mean, he already knew but I need to verbalize and I told god, I'm reading this. I'm reading this. I'm reading this and I don't feel like I love you anymore. And something cleansed my soul, and then nothing happened. I I just kept doing what I was doing.

46:46 But in less than two weeks, my my my time reading the word was before I went to work, and within a couple weeks, I had to set an alarm. So I would close my Bible so I could get to work on time. That's how it is. It's like, this is good. This is good.

47:07 I want to keep this going. Well, you have other responsibilities that god is then asking me to go and do. This is bonus. You didn't pay for this. This is free, and that's my excuse for keeping you overtime.

47:32 Okay. This passage in one Peter, we've been looking at one Peter three. This is coming out of chapter two, the last part of it, which is really the sets everything up for the marriage relationship that's talked about wives and husbands. And this is why I want to just I want to steal time. It's not my time.

47:52 It's and I'm stealing it. I'm sorry. I I need to repent after this is done. But shut up and talk. Okay.

48:06 You have been called for this purpose. Since Christ also suffered for you, Christ suffered for each of us leaving us an example for us to follow. To follow in his steps. And now I'm just kind of summarizing some of the the text here. What was an example that he left for us?

48:34 First, it talks about that he was holy, godly, and pure in his walk, who committed no sin. Nor was any deceit found in his mouth. This is an example for us to follow. Not perfect? No, but that doesn't mean I give up and say, well, I can't I can't be perfect so I'm not going to try.

48:55 No. That's the enemy talking. Kick him in the britches and get him out of there. I am going to pursue holiness in my life. Text goes on.

49:08 When he was pushed, he did not push back. Says, while being reviled did not revile in return. While suffering uttered no threat. Oh, in marriage, man. We get some threats in there.

49:27 We're fighting back. We're pushed on. We push back. This is the example. This is the model.

49:32 Christ was holy. When he was perfect and got pushed on and misunderstood and misrepresented, he didn't push back. He didn't utter threats. Well, I'll give you later. A little under the breath thing.

49:49 How does god put faith in god? I I don't know but the text says, put faith in god. He, Christ, Jesus, kept on entrusting himself to the father who judges righteously. That's the model. I want to defend myself.

50:08 Christ model says, entrust yourself to the father. Who by the way, judges accurately, righteously. He doesn't get it wrong. I I want to judge and I often get it wrong. Entrust myself to him.

50:27 This is how I think of this now. Okay. You want to say some mean things about me? You want to throw stones my way? You want to misrepresent me?

50:38 Yeah, that hurt. But you know what? I'm going to trust God to sort that out someday. He might not do it this month. He doesn't settle his accounts always on the first of the month.

50:52 But he will settle them. These things will come back. He will judge it righteously. He'll right the wrongs. So, yeah, I I think you mistreated me.

51:03 I'm going to trust god to sort that out. Okay? A little parenthesis here. I had this on but sometimes, it I miss saw, I miss, I didn't see that right. It really wasn't you.

51:16 There's something wrong with me. So, this is what we say. I'm going to trust god to sort that out someday or straighten me out. I might have had it wrong. Okay.

51:43 With all that we set ahead, okay, holy, did not retaliate, entrusted himself to god. He bore our sins on the cross. So that reason words, why? That we might die to sin and live to righteousness. This is huge, friends.

52:10 Bore our sins on the cross. This is what I call positional righteousness. When he died on the cross, when people put their faith in him, they are declared righteous. That's a legal standing. We have we have nothing to do with that.

52:31 That's all god's work. That's Christ's work on the cross. He offers us the free gift. He even gives me the faith to accept it. That's all his work, okay?

52:41 That's positional righteousness. But there's another righteousness that we're responsible for. It's what I call practical righteousness. Positional righteousness, behavior, righteous in my behavior, positional, practice, practice righteousness. For our sins on the cross is positional so that I might die to sin and live to righteousness.

53:09 That's the practiced righteousness. I'm living out my position and my practice. I am I'm dying to sin and I'm living the righteousness. I'm dying to sin. I'm living the righteousness.

53:22 I'm dying to sin. I'm living the righteousness. I'm dying to sin. I'm living the righteousness. Guess where I can apply this?

53:27 In my marriage. I can do this. We can have a healthy marriage because we are... If you've accepted Christ as your savior, you are positionally righteous and because you are positionally righteous, you are... You have the ability with the spirit to die to sin, die to all that negative stuff we were doing with our spouse, and live to righteousness.

53:52 It's a process, takes time, we walk with one another, We encourage one another. We get in small groups. We go over their house. We we do this together. Don't do this alone, but we do it in community with one another.

54:07 We do life together. We encourage, and we walk along, and we keep making progress. And when I... You come along and say, Paul, I love you. You don't come in accusing me, jabbing the finger.

54:28 Come on, Paul. We can do this. It's okay. Let's talk about it. Let's go back.

54:35 It's back on the trail again, okay? We can have healthy marriages. If you know Christ as your savior, your sins are forgiven. You have positional righteousness. Because of that, we are empowered.

54:54 Romans eight, if we are putting to death, if by the spirit, we are putting to death the deeds of the flesh. Same thing. Die to sin, live the righteousness. Romans five, six, and seven. All that.

55:08 Tremendous rich soil.