Marriage Conference 2018 - 02 - God's Purpose for Marriage — Genesis 24

0:00 So we were in Genesis 24, just looking at, this whole process by which, father seeks, the mind of God, for a suitable wife, for his son. And we have the servant engaged and he sees this woman with some characteristics about her, not only her appearance, but her character, her generosity. And then if you keep turning, in the same chapter go down to verse 50. By now, the servant has come into the house of Bethuel, Rebecca's father, and they've had the introductions and the servant told the family all about Isaac in whose behalf he has come and all that he was about. And he's asking what the family is going to do.

1:17 And look at verse 50, Laban and Bethuel, both of them, that's Rebekah's brother and father, answered and said, The thing proceeds from the Lord. That's a good confidence to have in the whole process of moving toward marriage. The thing comes from the Lord. Because if you enter marriage with that confidence, when you face challenges, storms this is something you can go back to. See, this came from the Lord and if it is the Lord that brought us together then the Lord is not going to abandon us now in the midst of a storm.

2:17 You see, the thing came from the Lord. One more thing about Isaac, because he's very absent in all of this chapter. He's not much prominent at all. But at verse 63 we are told this about Isaac. Isaac went out to meditate in the field at eventide.

2:54 And I think this my bible has got a little footnote next to the word meditate and it says, Or pray. Is it possible that Abraham did tell Isaac about what was going on. And Isaac knows that the trusted steward of the house has been retained by Abraham to accomplish this mission and he is back to his father's land, his people. And is it possible that Isaac was maybe in his meditation also praying to the Lord like everybody else was? That this whole undertaking would have the blessing and the favor of God upon it?

3:53 If so, that tells us something about Isaac's character. Now, you you probably haven't had shortage of young people who would come to you and talk to you about. I certainly hear it a lot. I'm just trying to find the right woman. Or I'm just looking to find the right man.

4:21 You know my encouragement to young people who are seeking to find the Lord's will in terms of their marriage is to spend far more time not looking to find the right woman or the right man, but time and effort and work in being the right man and the right woman. See the difference between the two? One is a look outward. I just want to find Mr. Right.

5:00 But maybe God's design in all of this is to help you develop to be the right person so that when the person of His choice comes along you are ready for that person. Because if you're not the right man before you marry it's a very good likelihood you'll not grow into it the next day. Okay. Isaac all along was maturing into the man that he needed to be for Rebecca. Rebecca, by her own character and attitudes and actions, her charitable spirit was all preparing herself to be the wife that she one day would be.

6:47 Here is a good summation of what marriage is supposed to do for each other. She is loved by him and he is comforted by her. Sometimes it's important for us to remember this because, you know, the word love, we'll get into this in Ephesians five because there's such a misunderstanding of what this love is when it comes to marriage. Because if stop the average Joe at the street corner and ask about what is the kind of love that really would tell you you should marry someone, vast majority of the time it's all about how somebody is feeling at the moment. Do you agree?

7:59 That we just have the right chemistry. Now how you feel about someone, I think it's got importance. But what scripture talks about when it talks about a husband loving his wife, it's not about a feeling. Because I don't think you can command a feeling into existence. When a husband's love for the wife is intimated in Scripture, it's a command.

8:39 It is addressed to the will, not to the emotion. And in the wedding ceremony, in the exchange of the vows and all of that, I haven't listened to one lately, but I don't think the question that is asked by the man performing the wedding is not, do you love this woman that's standing next to you? Are you out of your mind? If I didn't love this woman, would I be here? The question often put is: Will you love, honor and cherish this woman standing next to you?

9:31 What's that saying? It's not asking, do you have the right feeling for her right now? Of course, he does. But it is about a future love. Will you love her?

9:48 It's addressed to the will. Isaac took Rebecca as his wife and loved her. And she comforted him. Wonderful ending. Now if you keep reading and tomorrow Lord willing we look at chapter 27 where it looks like everything kinda went south for this couple.

10:24 Okay, does that ever happen? Things can sometimes get on to hard times. Turn with me to John chapter two. Another marriage account in the New Testament. Now before you even turn there, you know what this is all about.

10:46 So I'm not going to read it and expound on it, but just a couple of principles that I want to highlight. You talk to different people about the history of their marriage and they'll talk about how things really started out pretty well and we've been having a pretty good go of it. And then hard times came and things went sour and south. But with this couple, you notice that their troubles began the day of their wedding. I've come across a few like that, but not many.

12:24 Where I knew your love, where I knew your comfort. Such a lovely start, now there is no wine. And it can be any number of things that could come in and rob us. For some people it is children. And for some it is not having children.

12:57 For some it is having financial problems. And for some it is having financial abundance. Reversals of one kind or another, professional success or professional frustration, illnesses. And you know, we can sit here and we can list things, a long list of things that could come along. But whatever the thing may be or the combination of things, this reality in which this couple finds themselves is where a lot of people find themselves along the way.

13:46 The wine ran out. Mary who was invited to the feast John says, as she is slipping away from company, says to them, to the servants, whatever he says, do it. And I want to submit this evening that this is timeless prescription for the maintenance of marriage. Whatever He says, do it. Why?

14:27 The Word of God is the inspired, inerrant, authoritative, sufficient Word. Whatever He says, do it. So, maybe you are sitting here and you find yourself coming up on some hard times in terms of your marriage. Or you find yourself, is it possible that maybe we're running out of wine? You know things just don't feel like it used to.

15:13 We don't communicate like we used to communicate. We don't regard one another like we used to. There isn't that delight that we had in each other's presence that we once knew. Is it possible that there is a shortage of wine or the wine running out? I want to go back and I want to highlight these words of Mary, whatever He says.

15:44 Do it. Interestingly, what Jesus asks them to do is an instruction that really, at least on the appearance, have anything to do with wine. He says, fill the water pods with water. Now John says nothing about them running out of water. John's record says, you know, they ran out of wine and he says, Fill the water pots with water.

16:20 But the servants do do it and then Jesus says, Now draw and serve, give it to the guests. In the account we are not told where exactly the turning of the water into wine took place. But what we are told clearly is that the servants did what they were commanded to do and what they could do and Jesus did what only He could do. You with me? Supplying wine, bringing joy and fulfillment into your marriage is not something that you can mastermind.

17:22 You cannot engineer that. You cannot supply it. But what scripture seems to be telling us in John two is that if we are humble enough, trusting enough and obedient enough to do what we can do by the grace of God, then He will do what only He can do. So to husbands, I want to raise this question as I, as a husband, raise it to my own heart. Are there things that God asks me to do that I am reluctant to obey that contribute to the joyless state of my own marriage?

18:23 Are there simple things that He asks me to do that I plainly refuse? Wives likewise. John goes on to tell us that the people enjoyed the freshly supplied wine and if I were writing John's gospel, I would have called it quits right there. You know, the couple they were spared the great embarrassment of having no wine and they all had wonderful wine and a good time was had by all. End of story.

20:08 Okay? And that goes counter to everything that we hear in the culture. Know, if you're not happy in it, get out. If the going is hard or you've tried hard, quit while you're ahead man. I sometimes say it to couples, know, you promise to one another for better or for worse.

20:37 Right now it's worse. God's purpose for marriage is not my happiness, primarily. God's purpose for marriage is His glory. Over your marriage and mine, God wants to put on display His glory. When a husband truly, sacrificially loves his wife like Christ loved his bride.

21:20 When a wife is willingly submissive to her husband and that marriage is growing and progressing and is companionable and fruitful, God's glory is on display. It's proclaiming to the world without words that this is God's idea and it is a good idea. God never had a bad idea. This is God's idea, it's a good idea, God is glorified when a marriage is functioning in the way in which God designed it to function. And wonder of wonders, when we are obedient to Him, He sees to it that we are joyful in it.

22:26 If I make my own joy the aim of my marriage I'm going to run constantly into frustration. But if I make the glory of God the aim of my marriage, then the God who designed it, who is the mastermind behind it, who is the builder and the architect of marriage, sees to it that I as husband under His hands of authority find joy in my obedience to Him and my service to my wife. Well with that said, we should go into a well known passage in Ephesians now and chapter five. I'm going to begin at a place where we probably don't often begin reading about marriage in Ephesians five, and that is at verse 18. Where Paul says, Do not be drunk with wine in which is dissipation, but be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord, giving thanks always for all things to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ submitting to one another in the fear of God.

25:12 It literally goes, Wives, ask to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church, and He is the Savior of the body, therefore just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it just as the Lord does the church.

26:09 For we are members of his body, of his flesh and of his bones. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless, let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. A very familiar passage of scripture that I'm sure you have studied, you have maybe some of you ministered from it, and certainly had it read many times.

26:48 You've been to weddings where this is read. But this whole language of authority and submission is not very popular. And we like to kind of Photoshop and kind of try to make it a little bit more palatable and make it acceptable. But the simple statements of scripture are the simple statements of scripture. And if we go back to our original claim that the Bible is the inspired, inerrant, authoritative and sufficient word, this is part of that inerrant, inspired authoritative sufficient word.

27:37 So we need to receive it as the word of God and give it obedience. And certainly we need to also make sure that we are not misunderstanding when we read a passage like this. Paul actually begins by reminding the readers that as Christians we need to have a submissive spirit. And that doesn't apply only to the wife or only to the husband, it applies to all Christians. That there needs to be a submissive spirit that we actually yield to one another.

28:31 And then in the context of marriage that submissive spirit has particular significance and relevance. The husband also submits in the marriage. As he obeys his Lord in loving his wife And the wife expresses that submission first of all to the Lord in her submission to the husband. Now the whole thing begins, you noticed in verse 18 with the command to be filled with the Spirit of God. And I want to submit this afternoon that what Paul is getting at, at a minimum is this, that the instructions that he gives in beginning at verse 22, is it?

30:57 Even though I don't know some of you, I know I am a man and I think you are very much like I am. And that is that it doesn't come naturally to me to want to love my wife. Really. She's a lovely lady. But naturally I want to look after myself.

31:28 Long time ago we had an apple tree just outside of the window of my study. And I'm not big into doing anything with an apple tree so it was kind of a nasty gnarly thing and it would drop all these silly apples in the fall and it would be a real mess and so one day I decided I'm going to take care of it so I had someone come and cut it down. But before that would happen you know in September October apples would fall off the branches. And I've watched many of them they all when they leave the branch head straight down to the ground. Think it's gravity.

32:16 So if the apple leaving the branches of the tree should go in any direction but down, You have to introduce a different force into the field. And for the husband's selfless loving of the wife, I'm the wife's glad submission to her husband, neither of which comes naturally. The field that is, force that is introduced into the field is the fullness and the energy of the Spirit of God. So we need to ask ourselves the question how often, when was the last time that you genuinely prayed to God and asked Him to fill you with His Spirit that you may love your wife as God wants you to love your wife. See usually when we think about the fullness of the Spirit, we think of it in connection with teaching a Sunday School lesson or sending a missionary overseas.

33:35 We come together and we pray that the Spirit of God would fill them. Or, you know, for your elders, so that they may see to the oversight of God's people. These are the things that we ordinarily link with the filling of the Spirit. And I think what Paul is trying to I don't think he's trying to I think what Paul is teaching in Ephesians five, what the Spirit of God is instructing us in Ephesians five, is that this kind of marital arrangement, where a husband loves his wife, really, where a wife is gladly submissive to her husband, comes as a result of the husband being filled with the Spirit of God, the wife being filled with the Spirit of God. It does not, it does not come naturally.

35:57 And I think the Holy Spirit does that for a reason. Because if He had pinned it horizontally, my inclination would be to deal with the command to love by looking at my checklist about how well my wife has been behaving of late. Have you also noticed that naturally speaking, we would re edit the instruction. The husband would edit it to read something like it, Wives submit to your own husbands and husbands make sure that your wife is submitting. I've actually had people tell me this, know, I know, the problem in my marriage is that my wife doesn't submit.

37:06 But maybe true. I don't know if you can say that that is the problem in the marriage. See, each one is given his charge, her charge. If I'm spending all my time trying to grade how my wife is doing, it's a very good likelihood that I'm not having enough time or energy left to do what my assignment is. You will also notice that each of the instructions is tied into the Lord.

37:51 Husbands, as Christ loved the church's bride, you love your wives. Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. So the husband's Christ like, selfless love for his wife and the wives glad submission to the husband. They are both part and parcel of our personal discipleship to Jesus Christ. You're following me?

38:46 My loving my wife selflessly, my wife submitting to me gladly, they are both part of our personal and individual discipleship to the Lord Jesus Christ. And sometimes we miss that, the vertical dimension of the thing. So we make it all horizontal. Then it become like you know, you scratch my back, I scratch yours. That is not Ephesians five.

39:50 Does anybody notice anything? We make it all horizontal. But Paul says, it is as to the Lord. What does that say? It's saying that just as sisters, wives, just as you submit to the Lord, you'll be submissive to the husband as an expression of your submission to the Lord.

40:24 Now, we men, we need to remind ourselves of something always, never lose sight of it. The fact that we have authority in the home, in the marriage, is not because we are great people, you know. We've kind of come of age and now I'm ready to take up this authority. No, it has nothing to do with what I have achieved. It has nothing to do with my IQ numbers.

41:03 It has nothing to do with how much I'm earning on my job. Or if I'm a boss in the office, or senior partner. It has nothing to do with any of that. The authority that is in the husband, in the marriage is an authority that is a derived authority. It is an authority that God has bestowed upon you.

41:36 And if so, in the exercise of it, I need to be really on my knees. In Luke's Gospel, I think it's chapter seven, we won't turn there but is a man who wanted the Lord Jesus to do a favor for him. He had a little boy that needed to be healed and he said, you know, please do this but you don't need to come under my roof. I'm not really worthy to have you come under my roof. You can speak the word from where you are and he'll be well.

42:20 Because, he said, I am also a man under authority. And I say to one, Come, and he comes. And I say to another, Go, he goes. Now you would think, you know, what that means is that he gets to order people around. That's not what the ruler is saying.

42:47 He said, I am under authority. And therefore I can say to one, do this and he does it and so on. So to husbands, as a fellow brother I want to remind you lovingly and gently that if you're going to exercise authority in the home, in your marriage, in your family, make sure that you are remaining under authority. Because if you are not yourself under authority you are far more likely to become a tyrant at home than one who exercises God given authority as a steward. Because if you are under authority, as you exercise your authority, then your wife and your children don't have to worry about having to deal with a tyrannical figure.

43:58 And I've seen this, you've seen this, where men turn out to be bullies at home and have no clue about how to fulfil that role with humility, with dependence upon God and in the fullness of the Holy Spirit of God. Alright, I see that the clock is at five minutes? Okay. Alright, so these are rules that God has put in place for the effective functioning of that relationship. And God is a God of order.

45:05 Any place in creation that you look at, there is order, isn't it? There's order in the created universe. God has order in the society. God has order in the church. And God has His order in the home.

45:28 And when we militate against it, kick up against it, we are going to run into disorder and chaos. Okay? So there are other passages that we can look at, but we won't turn there, I'll list them all for you. You can look at one Peter three and Colossians three where you know more practical kinds of things are touched upon. And looking at all of them you will also discover something that I said at the start and that is that the conduct of husbands and wives, and maybe in the next session we'll look a little at children also.

46:21 The conduct of husbands, wives, children in the home, in the marriage, in the family, It's not different in that realm from how we are to conduct ourselves as Christians in all realms of encounter that we have. That we have to be people who are kind and gentle and generous, compassionate And for all of those Christian graces we need to depend upon God. We naturally come up with these things. One Peter three, a very interesting passage that tells wives that they need to have a quiet spirit which God finds very commendable. And husbands are instructed to live with their wives in an understanding way.

48:09 Live with her in an understanding way, her emotions, thoughts, her aspirations, longings. Colossians further instructs the husband to be not bitter or resentful toward her. Not to be an irritating man. Taken in all, I think now I'm a bit hesitant because I didn't actually count them up but I think there are far more instructions given to the husband than to the wife. I haven't always liked it, but there it is.

49:03 And the only reason I can think of is that I'm kind of dull. And I need to have it told again, and again, and again.