Mens Conference 2016 - 01 - Expressing Genuine Love for Your Wife — Genesis 2

0:00 Good afternoon. Thank you for coming out. I've been really excited about this conference for some time. It's been good to work with Bob on it for, I don't know, maybe close to a year. I'm not sure when we first started thinking together about it.

0:14 Some of you I've met before. It's been very interesting. There's a few folks here. I have a few brothers that I haven't seen for ten and fifteen years and it's been a real delight. So I just thought I'd introduce myself.

0:26 My name is Warren Henderson. I'm a full time worker. My wife and I were commended about eighteen years ago into full time work. Before that, I was in aerospace engineering. And in the last twenty some years, we've been involved with a lot of evangelism.

0:43 We've been involved with starting four New Testament assemblies. We're presently in Ottawa, Kansas, where we started Ottawa Christian Fellowship about four years ago. So my wife and I were in our thirty first year of marriage. We have four children. 27 to 18.

1:03 So, we did homeschool the whole way up and last year, we ended twenty three years of homeschooling. Praise god. Yeah, praise lord. It was kind of bittersweet, you know, bittersweet. But it does, wife was able to go with me on a fairly long trip last weekend.

1:19 So it's been kind of nice. She's freed up now to come with me. So that's a little bit about us. If you have any more questions, I'll I can talk to you more later. I've entitled this this series, these five messages, three today and two tomorrow, Biblical Family Life and Bob gave you titles for the first three sessions that we'll be looking at this afternoon and evening.

1:49 Tomorrow, we'll be looking at raising godly children And then in the last message, I want to go through the attack, Satan's attack on the family and talk about five specific areas. We'll be looking at that from the book of Exodus, Satan's Attack on the Family. So that's where we're going for the weekend, god willing and in our first session, expressing genuine love for your wife. Normally, when we think about genuine love and expressing that, our minds go to Ephesians five, right? Christ loved the church and husbands are exhorted to love their wives as Christ loved the church.

2:31 I don't know about you but that's like a bar that's way up there, right? That you never quite get to but it's the aspiration. The more that we learn of the savior, the more that we learn of his selflessness, his sacrificial nature, then as we pattern after that, it starts becoming a more obtainable at least in in concept of being able to love my wife as Christ loves the church. I decided not to go to Ephesians five today because I think most of us know, well, that's that's how we're supposed to love our wives but to be quite honest, I don't love my wife the way that Christ loves the church but I'm inspiring to and I'm thinking that I'm probably in a good group here, right? So, is there anybody can say they love their wife as Christ loved the church?

3:24 Because you can have session one if if Alright. I want to start first with handling a few doctrinal things before we get into the practical things. So, if you would turn your Bibles to Genesis chapter two, well known passage to it to us. But I think that before we talk practical things, we need to always lay the biblical foundation. What I've noticed sometimes though that in these types of sessions and or seminars, a lot of time gets put forth in looking at the doctrinal things and then they never get to the practical things.

4:04 Bob gave me a shopping list kind of a things he would like to address this weekend and some of them are sensitive And I've really gone before the Lord and trying to for him to tell me what's the best way to handle it. What what is the biblical response to some of these challenges? And so I'm excited just to think with you this weekend on some of these these things. First of all, we're going to start in Genesis two and I'd like to start reading in verse 18. Now in the previous verses, we have God preparing Eden.

4:40 We find out that god makes a man. God took the the dust of the ground, shaped it. Oh, that sounded cool and and blew in a spirit into Adam and he's and he stood up a living soul. Okay? So, we have god creating man.

4:59 We find out that in verse 15 that god took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to tend and keep it. God is teaching man responsibility. I just want to clarify. Oftentimes, we think of work as a negative thing. Clearly, work existed before the fall, before sin.

5:21 Work is a necessary thing. It's I tell this to young men. It's good for young men to work. Learn responsibility early and so god is teaching Adam responsibility. And then we get to verse 18 after he's warned them about not eating the tree tree of knowledge of good and evil in the garden.

5:44 In verse 18, he says, the lord god said, it is not good that man should be alone. I will make him a helper. Who has another word besides helper there in their translation? Help me if you got King James. Is there anything else?

6:00 Help me. Help me. A helper comparable or compatible to him. And so out of the ground, Lord God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the air and brought them to Adam to see what he would call them. And whatever Adam called each living creature, that's its name.

6:20 So we're seeing Adam's authority over each of the animals. Hebrews chapter two, we find out that god created man and man was created in god's image. Created created in his likeness and he was a crown to creation. So man was to have authority over creation. Verse 20.

6:42 So Adam gave names to all the cattle, the birds of the air, to every beast of the field. But for Adam, there was not found a helper or help meet comparable to him or compatible to him. And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam and he slept and he took out one of his ribs. Now, the Hebrew word here is Tesla and it's translated side almost through the entire Old Testament 44 times. And most of those 44 times, it's translated side.

7:16 So picture God reaching into Adam's side after he put him to sleep and takes out a chunk of his side, flesh, bone, blood, and he brings out and woman. I don't know if it sounded like that but it had to be pretty incredible, right? A chunk of bleeding flesh and here's a woman and then god is going to bring the woman to the man. Then, the rib which lord god had taken for man, he made unto woman and he brought her to the man and Adam said, this is now bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh. So, god took more than just a rib.

7:53 He took flesh, took blood, flesh, and bone and she shall be called woman. Ishla means derived for man. That's what woman means. It's the same thing we get in first Corinthians chapter 13 on the teaching of of divine order. God created man out of the dust of the earth and he breathed in a living spirit and he stood up and became a soul.

8:21 So, man comes from god. That's god's glory. The woman comes from man. Therefore, the woman is man's glory. Her hair comes from her.

8:29 So, that's her glory and so that's the tie in first Corinthians 11. So, that which is driven from man. Eve did not get a name until after the fall. After the fall, when sin entered in, now there was a this barrier between the fellowship that they enjoyed in Eden and so she's named Eve after the fall but before that, the man and the woman were together and so when god said, Adam, the man and woman were always together and there they came and so we have we get this in this chapter the idea of god's purpose and his design for marriage. He goes on, therefore, man shall leave his father, mother, and be joined to his wife and they shall become one flesh.

9:39 Thus, his laws govern it. What god determines his marriage between a man and a woman and the idea was death do you part. That was the god's best for mankind in the garden in a perfect environment before sin came in. Excuse me. And then in verse 18, god's purpose for marriage is mainly companionship and what I want to do is take you to the Hebrew words that that are tied to marital companionship because that really gives us the main ingredients for having this this interaction and intimacy between a husband and wife.

10:23 And so we understand what God means by a helper comparable to him, then it'll help us to understand how we can better relate to to our wives. And Godly companionship defeats loneliness. You know, it's interesting. The Adams naming the animals and he sees two of those animals and he sees two of those animals and maybe he thought, hey, there's one of me, you know, there's two of them, two of them, and maybe they actually in executing the job that God had given him, it actually stirred up a loneliness. And so there was something missing that Adam felt.

11:07 God knew it and maybe god wanted Adam to fill it so he'd be more appreciative of the help her that god would provide for them. So, both the man and woman were brought together a creation uniquely created by god that was comparable and compatible. So, Adam has strengths and abilities that this other helper would not have and he would be able to serve and help her in ways which she was weak in and the two were a very compatible. They came one flesh. They strengthened each other in this this association and that's what god's thought is.

11:50 A second purpose for marriage we get from Malachi chapter two fifteen and that is to have godly children. We're going to turn to that passage a little bit later but I just want to make you aware that the secondary purpose, primary purpose for for marriage is companionship. Secondary purpose is not children godly children. I've heard people use scripture to say, well, god said, go and replenish the earth and have as many children as you can. I said, that's not quite right.

12:23 God wants godly children. It's not just producing children. He wants a godly seed. Those that will follow after him and and there's a huge difference with just having children and raising children up for the lord. Alright, god's design for marriage was a new one person relationship, singular noun.

12:43 The idea is becoming the right person, not finding the right person. I talk to young people and they get real nervous about the marriage thing like, wow, am I ever going to find the right person? And I tell young men two things. One, you become the right person. That's what's important.

13:04 Not finding the right person, but becoming the right person. Tend to your own character. Nurture those qualities in your own character that would be attractive to a godly woman. And the second thing is, what was Adam doing when god brought him a wife? He was sleeping, right?

13:27 God knocks him out, takes a part of his side, and then god brings the woman to him. He who finds a wife finds favor of the lord. You don't have to go out looking. If you're tight with the lord, he will provide you. You'll find the right young lady.

13:43 So, I tell you, I mean, this, are you ready to get married? You got all your ducks in a line? Do you feel like you have the character and maturity and they'll say, no. I said, just sleep, man. Just take it easy and sleep.

13:54 You'll save yourself a lot of hassle in getting your hormones all stirred up and having problems. Just sleep it off, okay? And then another two, three, four years maybe you'll be ready and then you start thinking about it. And you know it's really helped my sons. We talk about these kinds of things all the time.

14:10 We talk about what are kind of characteristics that you would look for in a young lady. And they tell me. And I'll say and what kind of characteristics do you think a young lady would be looking for? See, because that's your part of becoming becoming the right person. I can tell you that my wife and I I never knew marriage could be so wonderful.

14:31 You know, I just have to give the the praise to god. When my wife and I got together, we were both pretty tight with the lord but spiritually, she was beyond where I was. She was having daily quiet times for years, journaling, and I was kind of hit and miss. It was really her example to me that convicted me to get into the word and and actually be a spiritual leader of our family and as we've today, I look back at where we're at, we're nothing like we used to be. We're really nothing.

15:01 We're just totally different people but there's such a oneness between us. It's biblical marriage where crisis at the head is a wonderful thing. I expect an amen there, right? Amen. Yeah.

15:15 I know your wives aren't here but it's still good just to say, amen, you know. It's funny. When I'm down south, I can just go like that and get amen. So, as you get further north, it's a little harder. Amen.

15:42 Our interests are different. So this is where you have to really work to find things that you both enjoy to do, especially that she would enjoy and that you can learn to enjoy and work together in your interests and developing for my wife and I, we found most of this is in ministry. As we're working together, we find that really brings a lot of personal time that we can interact and a sense of accomplishment as we reach goals together. So instead of entertainment, which as a young man, there's a lot of things I would do with my friends and so forth. You know, once you get married, that kind of goes in the background.

16:21 And working together is where we have found the most common interests. Not in going out, you couldn't get my wife up in a deer stand to bow hunting with me if you paid her a million dollars. She isn't going to do it. She's afraid of heights and so forth. So it doesn't mean we have all the same interests, but I'm conscious that with my wife, I want to do things with her so that we can build this idea of companionship working together.

16:48 And that's the idea of what we're seeing in Genesis two. Enjoying full disclosure. Adam and the woman, I mean, not even clothes separated them. Am I right? They were completely exposed to one another and completely comfortable with one another and that's the idea within biblical companionship.

17:09 Complete disclosure. Unfortunately, sin entered in and sin wrecks everything And since then, man has struggled in the marital companionship because of selfishness and sin. We all have a flesh nature wants its own way. We're selfish. You have children and you realize how selfish you are, right?

17:32 You kind of get an understanding of that when you get married, but when children come along, really says, oh man, just go to sleep, you know? And you get tired and you still have to attend to needs. They can't take care of themselves and it teaches you selfishness. But the solution is that once you trust Christ and you have the Holy Spirit in and you're drawing now together to the lord that a lot of the damage done by sin can be overcome by the power of the holy spirit And so it's a wonderful, blissful experience. I never thought marriage could be so wondrous to be quite quite honest.

18:07 But it's not because of my wife and it's not because of me. It's because of what the Lord has done in our marriage. And yeah, I'm just so thankful. Having eyes for her That means no elevator eyes. It means no porn.

18:25 Any form of fornication, the lord makes that pretty clear in Matthew five twenty eight that if we're looking on another woman and we're having lustful thoughts, it we're committing adultery in the heart And this is a huge problem. I can tell you with 100 confidence that there are men sitting in this room that have pornography problems. 100% confidence. And what you're doing is if you're looking at things, you're allowing Satan, every image you put in, you're allowing Satan to so that dissatisfaction in your heart. When you compare your wife to some 18, 20 year old model that's in perfection.

19:07 You know, your wife gives you four or five children. She's not going to look the same thing way she did when she was 18 years of age. And so this is a very important aspect, not only to protect your own heart for Satan to get in and be able to manipulate and cause dissatisfaction. But if your wife sees you doing this, it's going to kill intimacy in your marriage. It's going be one of the deepest hurts that you could affect on her.

19:33 It's like physical fornication in the sense that she knows that you have interest in someone else and not her. I was speaking up in Vancouver a few years ago and I had a day off of ministry. I said, hey, let's go to Vancouver Island. So, we hopped on a ferry, went over, took a bus, and I remember strolling with her on the South Side Of Vancouver Island. It was about 80 degrees.

19:59 Got my wife, you know, the ocean, the water's over here. I guess it leads out to the ocean, sandy beach and we're just strolling around. It's a really romantic time, right? And as we're strolling around, I noticed three women sunbathing. And I can tell from a distance they don't have a lot on.

20:19 And so we're just strolling along and I'm just kind of looking out and we just walked all the way by. We got by these ladies, 30, 40 yards and my wife squeezes and she says, thanks. I said, do mean? She goes, you didn't look once. I was watching.

20:34 So our wives are watching us to see what we're watching. And if we want to have this kind of inhibited disclosure, they're going to have, we're going to talk about the needs of the woman of security and significance in a little bit. But we want, if we want full disclosure with the wives, we better not be having thoughts of disclosure with anyone else. Okay. And that's the point.

21:07 And if that's you, there's things I'm not going to get so much into what you can do. If if you want to ask me or Email me later, I can give you some suggestions but right now, I just want to talk about the design for marriage. Alright, turn your Bibles to Proverbs. I want to introduce you to two Hebrew words that are used in the Old Testament to speak of the marital companionship, the marital relationship. So, let's look at Proverbs chapter two I don't know why but I was looking for Proverbs back at Ezra.

22:17 It's the same aspect that we saw out of Genesis chapter two. So who forsakes her companion, her husband of her youth, and forgets the covenant of her god. Two things I want you to notice here. First, who forsakes the companion of her youth and forsakes the covenant of her god. The marriage covenant is not just a covenant with your husband or your wife for us to be our wives.

22:48 It's also a covenant with god. I'm going to talk about that in a in a slide in a couple minutes but I just want to point that out from the scripture that her immoral acts are not only forsaking her marriage partner, her companion. It's also an offense against god because the marriage covenant is a covenant with god that protects and sanctifies the marriage relationship. Alright. So, the word here in Hebrew is aloof and it means to be familiar with describes an intimate friendship and it's the concept of intimacy.

23:27 And so, one of the key ingredients to biblical companionship, marital companionship is this idea of intimacy. Disclosure. It's used in the sense, the root word of knitting like strands together in a rope. I'm sorry, that's actually the next word, tshebarath. So that's associated with commitment.

23:55 But this is an intimacy like a close friend. Okay? And then in Malachi two, I mentioned earlier that we get the secondary purpose of marriage for Malachi two, and that was to have godly seed or godly children. Okay. In Malachi two, we'll start in verse 14.

24:31 Yet you say, now the context here is Malachi is explaining to the Jews why they're being judged by God. And he's given them a shopping list of things that they were doing. Chapter one, they were offering inferior sacrifices unto the lord and he gives them some other things in chapter two of why god is angry with him. He's going to judge him. He says, you yet say, for what reason because the lord has been witness between you and the wife of your youth whom with whom you dealt treacherously.

25:05 Yet, she is your companion. Okay, that's our word. This is the second Hebrew word, and it means associated with or united to and it's the idea of the strands of the rope together. And so the two main ingredients, there's only two Hebrew words used for the marital companion. You've been introduced to both of them from Proverbs two and Malachi two.

25:27 And the idea is one is intimacy, disclosure with, interaction with at a friendship level, deep friendship level, and the other is commitment. So, if we have a marriage that has commitment and no intimacy, what do you have? Yeah, at best. You had a dead marriage. You're together but there's not the interaction that god intended in biblical companionship.

26:03 Now, if you have intimacy and you don't have commitment, well, it's very easy to be intimate with other people. Right? And so, these two characteristics are central to God's concept of biblical companionship. So again, as we're thinking about how to love our wives, demonstrate love to them, we have to first understand what God wanted, what was the two main ingredients for the biblical partnership or companionship were. So, if these are the main ingredients that god designed for the marriage partnership or companionship, then, these are the things that we have to really concentrate on in showing love to our wives.

26:52 Again, the marriage vows are unconditional pledge to give to one spouse for life. Even if he or she doesn't. There's two concepts that I find in marriage counseling often are eye openers for people having problems. One is they don't realize that when they're giving their vows to their spouse that they're actually making a covenant with God. That's the first thing.

27:19 I've actually done this a number of times in marriage counseling. I will tell the the couple. I said, now, bring your marriage vows next week and I want you to read them out loud. One in ten couples probably can still find their marriage vows. I find that distressing.

27:38 I mean, you're making a covenant for life. You're making a covenant with god and you don't remember what you said. And so, that's something to keep. You get you guys that aren't married yet. Be sure and keep that.

27:50 Maybe even put it on a a mounted or something. Put it in the house so you don't forget. It's a it's a covenant between you and your wife and god And the second thing is, so oftentimes I supply, you know, traditional vows and I'll say, okay, I'm going to read these. If they have them, I'll have them read to each other. And when they get done, I'll say, now, what did you promise to get out of that?

28:15 And I'll read it again. So what did you promise? What did you vow to get? Nothing. I said that's right.

28:28 And the light goes on. Oh, I was getting angry at my wife because she wasn't doing what I wanted her to do. Yeah, she never, I mean, you promised to give to her even if she didn't give to you. It it's not that cycle of, well, I I expect and then I'll give is not in scripture. Biblical love always starts with sacrifice.

29:25 She's a responder. You're the initiator. We're to follow Christ's example. So, as we initiate biblical love, the way god, if I can use this, wired the woman, she will respond to that and you'll receive back. I was talking with Roger.

29:43 We're out in the driveway. He says, you you gotta you gotta sacrifice to give in to get back. He says, it's not rocket science. You know, you you you have to give in order to get back and the way that god made the woman is if you give Christ like selfless love, she will respond to it. You'll get more back.

30:05 And so that's a cycle of love that starts. And so this is very important to understand. The marriage vow is not a promise to get anything. You are, you've made a lifetime commitment to God, to your spouse, to give to your spouse, even if she never gives you one thing your entire life. Woah.

30:31 That we live in such a society which we look a ways out of responsibility because we want our own way. We don't it's easy not to give a lifetime commitment when the euphoria and all the romance and the love is there. You know, that can be kind of captivating, almost mesmerizing. And then you get married a few months and you realize, man, this is going to be work. And you learn things.

31:06 You learn which way to put the toilet paper on the roll and how to hang up towels. And there's a lot of things that you learn as you're becoming this one person. You married guys know what I'm talking about, right? It's an education experience there for a while. And, but that's the beauty of it.

31:22 So, romance is the privilege outcome of a marriage fostered in intimacy and commitment. Those are the main two aspects that God designed the marriage partnership to have, to survive, to meet his expectations. And so if we're thinking about how to love our wives, we need to focus on those two things. How can I increase intimacy, disclosure with my wife, and how can I continue to build up her sense, her need for security? How can I show her commitment?

31:59 Alright, God's desires Christ to be the head of the marriage. God's desires Christ to be the head of the marriage union. We read in Matthew chapter 10, the lord speaking to his disciples. He said, if you love father, mother, son, or daughter and he's speaking of of family relationships more than me, you're not worthy of me. Right?

32:22 And then we we learn a little bit later, we're love, we're to love the lord with all of our heart and our and our soul and our mind. And in Revelation two four, we're we're to have crisis to be our first love. The church at Ephesus had a lot of great things going for him. They they were sound in doctrine. They were sound in works.

32:40 They they they wouldn't accept false doctrine but the lord says, I got something against you. And he says, repent. He uses that twice to the church at Ephesus. Repent. If you don't love me like you used to and he goes back and says, do the first things.

32:58 Do the first, remember, do the first things And that's really good for us who guys have been married for a while. I can remember a time I was an engineer at Boeing. My wife was a physical therapist up at Raytown, Missouri. Was down in Wichita. We live 200 miles apart.

33:16 You know, things thankfully went pretty fast. We met and were engaged and married in six months. I wanted to seal the deal before she changed her mind. And, but I can remember calling her one time and we talked for an hour and a half, hung up and then she called me back. We talked for another hour.

33:38 And I remember all the little notes we used to write and stuff like that. Doing the first things that really show interest and satisfaction and that you really love the person. And it's easy to, as you go on to kind of forget the first things. And the Lord says, go back and remember, do those first things. You don't love me like you used to.

33:58 So I just want to put out there the the exhortation of the lord Jesus to the church as an illustration of we as husbands need to keep doing the first things, making sure that our our wives know that we still love them. Christ's first love, your fellowship with him will draw you, your believing wife to you. I honestly believe that is absolutely true. Two believers that have the Holy Spirit that are saved, Christ is the head of the relationship. It's a love triangle.

34:33 As both draw to the lord, they naturally draw to each other. And I have found this with my wife. The more that I am caught up with the lord Jesus, the more that I spend time with him, the more time that I am contemplating him and appreciating him and if my wife is doing this two things, it's like a magnet. This brings us together and so, if our devotional life suffers, we're going to talk more about this in the second session today. If our devotional life suffers and I lose my intimacy with the lord and then my wife's going on strong, it's going to cause friction within the marriage, right?

35:16 That's why an unbeliever should never marry a believer. A child of god and a child of devil will never get along. As a child of god draws to the lord, it's a natural tearing away because the child the the lost person can't. And so we have this love triangle with Christ at the top. God considers the marriage covenant a lifelong vow to him.

36:06 A lifelong commitment. The Genesis 15 imagery, I think is really good. Abraham is obey the lord and lord says, well, prepare some sacrifices. So, Abraham splits the animals and he kind of makes two piles and he's keeping the birds off of em and then we read in Genesis 15 that the that Abraham entered into a deep sleep and god gave him a vision of his presence as this burning, smoking furnace passing through those animal parts And that was an ancient custom in which if two men, if Bob and I were going to make a commitment to each other, we would take an animal and split it, separate it, and then the two of us would walk between those parts. And what we're saying is, if I don't keep my commitment, you do to me as we've done to this animal.

37:10 Death. And so god, he's making a unilateral covenant with himself with Abraham and he confirms the covenant which he gave him originally back in chapter 12. If Abraham had walked through the pieces with God as soon as Abraham failed, then it would be over. But God makes a unilateral covenant with himself. The point is that that gives us a very good imagery of how serious it is to make a covenant with God.

37:40 When we make a covenant with god, we should take the same seriousness that god demonstrates how he makes a covenant with himself. I'm expecting you to obey this covenant unto death. So, This is not the way the world looks at marriage, is it? The world, a lot of young people, they just have a romantic idea and they they're not entering into a covenant which is with the lord. At least they don't think it is.

38:15 They're not mindful of that. They're not mindful that it's a covenant to give, not to receive. They're not mindful of the seriousness of the covenant that god expects out of it. They're not mindful that god has this intended purpose of companionship which has intimacy and commitment as the main ingredients And without intimacy and commitment, the biblical idea that God gives us for marriage can't be achieved. So these are some things from Genesis that we can learn about God's design for marriage.

38:50 Now, the most of the remainder time, I want to take you through the narrative in Genesis and show you probably what I would say is the most common marriage problem with believers, okay? Let's go to Genesis chapter 24. How can you show real love to your wife that she will really appreciate? What are the things that really are meaningful to her? What is going to speak the most to her that you're serious about her and the family?

39:31 Alright, so in Genesis chapter 24, let's start at verse 57 but I want to give you the background here. Alright? Abraham didn't want his son Isaac taking a wife from the Canaanites. So, he tasked his unnamed servant to go clear up to Pandaram and to get a a wife for Isaac that would be of of her background and bring her back to the land for Isaac. So, had this unnamed servant traveling 400 miles.

40:13 Wonderful story in verse 24, how the Lord brought Rebecca and the unnamed servant which pictures the Holy Spirit here. Isaac pictures the Lord Jesus. Rebecca, the Gentile bride from a long way pictures the church. And so the Holy Spirit gives gifts and now there's the opportunity for her to go back with unnamed servant to be taken to Isaac. So that's where we're picking up.

40:37 Verse 57. So they said, we will call the young woman. That's Laban, Rebecca's brother and her father. The unnamed servant wanted to get back to Isaac and bring Rebecca with him. So the father and the brother are going to ask Rebecca what she thinks.

40:56 And they called Rebecca and said unto her, will you go with this man? And she said, I will go. There's a freewill response. I will go. So they sent away Rebecca, their sister and her nurse and Abraham's servant and his men.

41:14 And then in verse 61, then Rebecca and her maids arose. They rode on camels and followed the man. So, the servant took Rebecca and departed. Now, Isaac came up from the way from Beer Lahai Roy for he dwelt in the South. And Isaac went up to meditate in the field in evening, and he lifted up his eyes and looked, and there were camels coming.

41:44 Rebecca lifted her eyes, and when she saw Isaac, she dismounted from the camel, for she had said to the servant, who is this man walking in the field to meet us? Servant said, it is my master. So, she took a veil and covered herself and the servant told Isaac all the things that he had done. Then, Isaac brought her unto his mother, Sarah's tent and he took Rebecca and she became his wife and he loved her. So, Isaac was comforted after his mother's death.

42:16 Beautiful picture of Christ in the church. By the way, in my book, Seeds of Destiny, I just bring out the typology a little bit more. This is the first time we've read of Isaac since chapter 22. Chapter 22 is that beautiful picture of Calvary where father and son are going up together. Father has the symbols of judgment in his hands, of fire and the knife.

42:37 Isaac's bearing the wood. It a private matter. The two servants with him had to stay at the bottom and Calvary was a private matter. God even build his son in darkness as he was judged for our sin. So, this is the first time that we've had Isaac mentioned since Calvary.

42:53 And again, that picture is a New Testament after the resurrection. The lord Jesus ascended into heaven. He had the unnamed servant, the holy spirit, wooing a Gentile bride. Furthermore, in chapter 23, Sarah dies. It's the only woman in all the Bible in which records her age at death.

43:16 A hundred and twenty seven years. And I think the reason is we can know Isaac's age at that time which meant he was 37. We're going to see that he was in a few minutes in the next chapter. He got married at 40 and so Isaac is he's mourning his mother's death for three years and then now he's comforted by the Gentile bride from afar And the Lord Jesus worked with the nation of Israel, which brought forth the Messiah. So Sarah is a picture of Israel, brought forth the Messiah for three years.

43:50 They rejected him. They were given over to blindness. Holy Spirit comes, woo is a Gentile bride, and we see Rebecca in that. It's really beautiful when you see that. Even the years and everything works out well.

44:25 What did Rebecca do when she knew that Isaac was coming? She took a veil and covered herself, a sign of respect and submission. What does it say that Isaac did with Rebecca? He loved her. That's that's Ephesians five thirty three.

44:41 That's exactly what Paul tells us is the way to have a successful marriage. Husbands, love your wives. Sacrificially love your wives. Wives, respect your husbands. Here it is in Genesis 24.

44:53 And you know, when Isaac loved and Rebecca respected, they had a great marriage. Then, we find some problems but first, I want to stop in chapter 25. Look at verse 20, Isaac was 40 years old when he took Rebecca as wife, the daughter of Bethuel, the Syrian of Pandoram, and the sister of Laban, the Syrian. Now, Isaac pleaded with the lord for his wife because she was barren and the lord granted his plea and Rebecca, his wife conceived but the children struggled together within her and she said, if all is well, why am I like this? So she went to inquire of the Lord and the Lord answered that prayer.

45:42 This is what the Lord told Rebecca. Two nations are in your womb. Two people shall be separated from your body. One people shall be stronger than the other and the older shall serve the younger. And so God gave Rebecca special revelation that she was having twins.

46:02 They would be twin boys and they would be the fathers of nations to come. Jacob and Esau. Jacob would be the children god's covenant people who come forth the nation of Israel. He was the second born and he would be the one that was preferred and Romans chapter nine picks that up. So, I just want to make this point that Rebecca got, she understood the will of god in this matter, right?

46:28 She understood. Now, I don't know if she told Isaac or not. Chapter 26, there's a famine in the land. By the way, they went twenty years without children before Rebecca conceived and they never had, she had another, did not have another pregnancy after that. There were no more children.

46:45 Chapter 26, there's a famine in the land. And it's such that Isaac says, well, we got to leave. Well, God intervened says, don't leave. This this is the land I promise you. I will take care of you in this land and so he gets almost out of the land.

47:02 He goes clear to Gerar and then he dwells there. Verse seven, and the men of the place asked about his wife and he said, she's my sister. For he was afraid to say she is my wife because he thought, lest the men of that place kill me for Rebecca because she is beautiful to behold. Now, you guys that are married, let's say that it's your twenty fifth wedding anniversary or your fifteenth, it doesn't matter, tenth, and you're going to do something very special for your wife. You found this great getaway in the South Pacific.

47:46 It's this little island, nobody even knows about it. You got a great deal on tickets and you fly her there and then you take this little boat, you get out to island. And when you get to the island, you're looking around like, man, these guys are like cannibals. It's not quite what you thought. It wasn't quite like the pictures.

48:03 And you see all these guys looking at your wife because she's nice looking and you see all the looks and they come and ask you about her. So this is my sister. You can do with her whatever you want. Just leave me alone. Now, how would your wife feel about that?

48:26 I mean, would you live? I mean, you're you're basically saying my life is more important than your life. I I I fear. You are not significant to me. You are not important to me.

48:40 You just go ahead and abuse or do whatever you want just as long as I'm okay. This is what Isaac did with Rebecca and I think it affected their marriage for the rest of their lives. Rebecca lived with Isaac. But she didn't live for him. And there's a huge difference.

48:57 And we don't show sacrificial love to our wives if they don't sense that they're secure in that love. They may live with us but they won't live for us. And there's a huge difference. And so here's the situation. So far, God has brought these two together.

49:16 When Isaac love and Rebecca respected things went well. Now, Rebecca has spiritual information from god. She knows what the will of god is. That's still coming up and we've seen Isaac now not show sacrificial love for his wife willing to pawn her off and be abused and so forth just to protect himself. A terrible move.

49:41 Then in chapter 27, Isaac now is 137 years old. He thinks he's old. He's going to die. His eyesight is dim. By the way, he lived another forty three years.

49:54 So he wasn't as close to death as he thought. And so, we know this story. This is a familiar story to us. He says in verse one, now it came to pass when Isaac was old and his eyes were so dim that he could not see that he called Esau his older son and said to him, my son. And he said, here I am.

50:18 Here I am. He said, behold now I am old. I do not know the day of my death. And so he tells Esau to go take his weapons, go out and shoot some venison preparing that savory dish. I have to think it was backstraps, marinated, sauteed.

50:38 I have to think that. I marveled the way God made deer. There's some really good tasting pieces on deer. Isaac wants that. Now notice verse five.

50:50 Rebecca was listening. She's overhearing this conversation between Esau and Isaac. And when Esau spoke, sorry, when Isaac spoke to Esau, Mark this his son and Esau went to the field to hunt game to bring it in. So, Rebecca spoke to Jacob, her son. Boy, when you have her son and his son in a family, you're going have all kinds of problems.

51:46 So Rebecca spoke to Jacob, her son saying, indeed, I heard your father speak to Esau, your brother, saying, bring me game and make a savory food for me, that I may eat it and bless you in the presence of the Lord before my death. Now therefore my son, now listen to this, obey my voice. She says it three times in this chapter. Obey my voice. Verse eight, verse 13, and then later in verse 43.

52:16 Three times. And we know the story. She told Jacob, you know, go get your brother's garment so you'll smell like him. We're going to put goats here on your arms so you'll feel like him. And you're going to have to practice your voice talking like him because that Jacob or Isaac even knew that wasn't quite right.

52:35 It's also the first time that we have feelings mentioned in this chapter. He will feel first mention. In other words, it's a sensual reasoning. Isaac even knew that wasn't right but yet he still went with his feelings and so, by the end of the chapter, by the way, Jacob was 77 years old. In this chapter.

53:00 He's over half the way through his life, little over halfway through his life. 77 years old. His his mother saying, obey my voice. Obey my voice and by the end of the chapter, Isaac's deceived. He gives a birthright to Jacob.

53:16 Esau comes back, wants a blessing, can't get Isaac can't give it to him. He's already given it and he is so mad. He wants to kill his brother. And so, Rebecca hears that and now, she's going to send Jacob back to her family in Pandoram to protect him and she talks her husband into that in chapter 28 and Jacob leaves. Now, god was all in this.

53:41 The failures of men do not stop the sovereign decisions of god and so he's going to work with Jacob and then after twenty years, he's going to bring them back but Rebecca will never see Jacob again. The decisions made in this chapter destroyed their family. It stirred up hate. It stirred up animosity. It caused great division.

54:03 And here's the whole entire problem and I see this affecting so many Christian marriages. When a husband exercises good spiritual leadership and sacrificially loves his wife, very few women will cause difficulty with that type of a leader. Very few. I'm not saying there aren't exceptions. Here, Isaac had not shown Rebecca sacrificial love, willing for her to be abused just so he could save himself.

54:40 And now, she knows the will of God and Jacob, sorry, Isaac is doing something she knows is not God's will. And she says, God needs help. God's not, god's not controlling this. He needs help and so, now, she has gone into a conniving, manipulative role because her husband's not doing what he should be doing And I see that over and over again in marriages. I was working with a couple about twenty years ago and I was explaining this because it was a fit for their their their situation.

55:19 And she was crying. She says, I know I do that. I manipulate and I nag him, but how can I get him to do what he's supposed to do? It's frustrating for for godly wives if husbands aren't initiating spiritual leadership as they should. So, when we're thank you for that.

55:39 When we're thinking about this idea of showing love to our wives, if we really want to have that deep communion and fellowship with our wives that god intended in the marriage relationship built on intimacy and commitment, then in these two basic areas, we're going to have to really do a good job. It... My wife, when I take interest in the children and disciple them or do... It just makes her so happy. And often the case is that when men pull back because we're naturally lazy in this area, to be quite honest, we're lazy.

56:17 Our tendency would be to pull back and go to our nothing box. You know, as Mike Gangor says, we have this nothing box we like to go to whenever we can. And for spiritual leadership, men can't go to nothing box. They have to exercise biblical shepherding. They have to do what they need to do.

56:35 And so when we do that, we take an interest in the family and we're executing the type of leadership that we should. Then that's exciting to a woman. It relieves her of a burden that she knows needs to be satisfied and she's willing to do if it's not being done. And there's a lot of families in which the husband is not executing good spiritual leadership. Thank God for the woman that's gone in.

57:02 Now, it may be because of job situations where you're away a lot, may be due just to marital difficulties where you're not interacting as your wife. But if we really want our wives to interact with us the way God did in biblical companionship, this is an area, these two areas is where we're really going to have to grow. And sacrificial, showing sacrificial love to our wives, and then also being the good spiritual leaders. When she looks at scripture, she and looks at what we're doing or you know, as a husband, she's pleased. She knows, okay, my husband's doing it.

57:40 She's doing what god's will is. Now, if we have neglected that, the best thing to do and we'll talk about this in the next session just briefly. Actually, think maybe it's this one. Nope. Next session is just apologize and say, I know I've dropped the ball here but I know God has tapped me on the shoulder and says, you're the head of the family.

58:06 And I am sorry for lost time, but I know I'm going to stand before the Lord and be accountable. And I want to do my very best to be a good spiritual leader and start from there and go forward. That's good. Alright, just a couple cleanup things and then we'll be done. The fruitful vine, Psalm one twenty eight three, the fruitful vine is likened to the wife.

58:31 We have a big garden. We have a lot of tomatoes, different kinds of viney things, and I think a tomato plant's a good example. So, you have to have cages or we kind of weave them up through panel gates and so forth. If you just leave a vine grow, it's going to go wherever it wants to and usually on the ground. And it's going to get caked with dirt.

58:54 If it rains, it gets caked, the leaves get caked, fungus sets in and and it's not going to fare well. And so the husband is like the the vine dresser, the husbandman. And he is going to, as that plant grows, give the wife a direction. This is what we need to do to please the Lord. And then he's going to tie that vine up to support it so that the vine doesn't go back to where it's where it wants to naturally.

59:24 It's given direction and it's supported. And as the vine grows, it may go, Nope, this is where we need to go. You're giving direction and you're giving support and accountability to make sure. And that enables the fruitful, the vine to be a fruitful vine. It grows up in the desired direction that it's supposed to get.

59:45 John chapter 15, the Lord talks about cleansing. You're cleansed by the word. Well, sometimes the vines are down, you got to lift them up and you have to cleanse them with the word to make them fruitful. The whole chapter is about fruitfulness. And so it's important that as a husband that we give direction and support to our wives.

60:05 Not just telling them what to do, but enabling them to do it and supporting them in that. It's not just telling them that's the direction, but it also supporting so they can accomplish those things. And then first Peter three:seven, another good piece of advice. Peter says three things. He says, dwell with your wives, learn them according to knowledge, treat them as the weaker vessel.

60:32 Treat them with honor as a weaker vessel. Three things, dwell with them. A survey not too long ago showed that husbands and wives in The United States spend about ten minutes a week in one on one intimate communication. No wonder you've got problems. In other words, there's so much busyness going back and back, back and forth and doing all these things where a husband and wife would actually sat down together uninterrupted and have meaningful communication ten minutes a week.

61:07 Well, that's not going to build a marriage very well. As we spend times with our wives, we get to learn their fears, their anxieties, their goals, what's important to them, and then we'll know how to treat our wives. But without that knowledge and that time, we can't do it. Be a good listener. I have an engineering background and engineers are trained to be critical, right?

61:36 There's something wrong. Understand it, fix it, right? If you take that into a marriage, your wife's going to kill you. It just does not work, right? Idea is my wife and I, we take walks together quite frequently and we call it walk and talk.

62:00 And I don't know how many times this has happened where we've been walking along, something's really on her mind. Know, I'm just taking it in. And after a half an hour or so she goes, thanks, that really helped. No problem. Yeah, right?

62:15 In other words, she has with the way god made a woman, she has to audibleize to think through things. She doesn't know what she's thinking. She has to audibleize it to think through it, to make sense of it And if we interfere with that process, we're going to hurt her from actually coming to conclusions on her own. And second, she's going to be irritated. So don't, the idea is don't fix.

62:40 We'll talk about this a little bit more in the next session. We're not to be problem solvers initially. We're to be good listeners and let them work through that. Proverbs 20 verse five says, Counsel is like water deep down in a whale. So, if we want to draw counsel out of a person's heart, we have to be wise and considerate in a way that we draw that out so they can see it.

63:31 I just want to spend my life with you. Significant. You're important to me. Not only am I, I want to be with you the rest of my life, but I need you. You're important to me.

63:45 And if we can focus on those needs, whatever her love language is in expressing those different women are different in how they like these things expressed. But whatever way she appreciates the most, if you can express security and significance, those are the ways that she's really going to appreciate sacrificial love.