Fundamental relationships — John 21

0:00 Let's just commit our time to the lord. Let's open a word of prayer. Our father in heaven, we thank you for the power of the cross. We thank you that he who knew no sin became sin for us. We thank you lord Jesus for bearing in your own body on that tree our sin that we being dead to sin might actually live unto righteousness.

0:27 It would be foolish for me, to even begin, to share from your word without first acknowledging, my dependency on you. Father, we commit this time to you acknowledging again your holy spirit. Thank you for him revealing these words to these men so long ago. Thank you for even his ministry today and illuminating these truths into our hearts, into our minds. And so I would ask Lord that even as I speak tonight that I would be controlled by your spirit and empowered by your spirit.

1:08 The lord Jesus that ultimately you would be honored and glorified in our time tonight and even in this conference this weekend. We pray these things in your name. Amen. Alright. So it is a joy to be here.

1:24 I am humbled to be here. And so just real quick, by way of introduction, I guess, is as Ray already said, my name is John Clifford. I trusted Jesus Christ as my savior when I was six years old. My parents who were not believers were married for seven years, couldn't have children. After seven years, I guess you start to think that we can't have children.

1:51 At least that's what they say. And then in the year that my mom conceived me is the year that both of them came to know Jesus Christ as their savior. And so my mom was always convinced that God wanted me to be raised in a Christian family. Although, like my parents, we're new believers at the time. And so I'm thankful that for these last forty six years, by God's grace, that the Lord has kept me.

2:16 And and so thankful for a large part of my life was camp ministry. I know some people here are involved with camp ministry. And so I served for a number of years at Camp Berea. It's on Newfound Lake in New Hampshire. And that's one of the reasons I became a school teacher, is so that I could have the summers off and serve at camps.

2:35 And so I've actually been I was actually an elementary school teacher for twenty two years. I teach at a public school in East Haven, Connecticut. And for the last five years, I've been the sixth grade math science teacher in the same district at a different school called the Academy. And so again, I'm just grateful that in the last twenty five years, my wife and I have been, and my kids have been serving at Pine Bush Bible Camp, which is in New York. And I said we've had the privilege of serving in some other camps around.

3:05 But those are the ones we've served most of time with Pine Bush and Berea there. But again, so I got to know Ray through a mutual friend of ours, and we've been friends for years now. And so that's the connection there. So if this doesn't go well, you can blame Ray. He's the one that's...

3:22 Because nobody else knew who I was here. So they really trusted him on this. I don't know. Yeah. We're going to see how his discernment is.

3:28 But, alright. So, as you saw in your hand out there, I've been asked to speak on relationships this weekend. And so kind of what we're going to do is tonight, as you see, we're going to look at that initial relationship. Okay? I think it's the most important one.

3:46 You can't talk about relationships, let's say in your marriage or in your home or with your children or with non believers or with people in your assembly. You can't talk about all these relationships if that relationship is not first. That's why it's the initial relationship. You can't do that. And then tomorrow, hopefully, willing, we'll get into some of those inherited relationships.

4:11 The reason I use... Chose the word inherited is because for most of you, you didn't choose your family. K? You didn't choose your mom and dad. You know, you didn't choose your brother or sister.

4:21 K? In some cases, chose your spouse, but even in some cultures, don't get a choice in that too. K? So that's why for most of us, right, our homes, our families are that inherited relationships, and we have responsibility in being part of a home and a family. And then also tomorrow we want to look at that relationship between the older and younger.

4:41 And that's why we're going to look at those impactful relationships. That's going be more about discipleship, right, that all of us should be having, that relationship with someone younger in the faith. And then Sunday, Lord, we'll we'll try to wrap up with those interdependent relationships, and that's relationships amongst ourselves here, those within the body of Christ, which is extremely important as well. So for tonight, we want to look at John chapter 21. Turn with me to the Gospel of John chapter 21.

5:48 And he said to him, feed my lambs. And he said to him again a second time, Simon, son of Jonah, do you love me? He said to him, yes, Lord. You you know that I love you. And he said to him, tend my sheep.

6:08 And he said to him the third time, Simon, son of Jonah, do you love me? Peter was grieved because he said to him the third time, do you love me? And he said to him, Lord, you know all things. You know that I love you. And Jesus said to him, feed my sheep.

6:34 And the Lord will bless the reading of his word again tonight. Why does God ask questions? I believe the questions that god asks, right, they they serve a purpose. God doesn't ask questions to obtain information. Right?

6:57 Because he already possesses all information. Right? His questions serve a different purpose. That purpose, of course, varies based on the context of the question and the needs of the one to whom the question is directed. As I said, I'm a school teacher.

7:18 So when I'm teaching a young student basic arithmetic, Right? And I might ask, what is two plus two? I don't ask that because I don't know the answer. At least I hope not. Right?

7:34 But what I want my student to do is I want them to focus on the problem at hand. When god asks Adam, where are you? Right? The question's purpose in part is to focus Adam, right, on the problem him and his wife were tangled in. I just love that god is a father, right?

7:55 Who uses language to teach within the context of a relationship. He is a teacher who uses questions to involve his students, force them to think, to point them to the truth. When he asks a question, it's it's not because he doesn't know the answer but it's because he wants us to know. God uses questions to to force us, right? To confront our own hearts.

8:32 Many parents here know what that's like. You see your child doing something wrong and you say, hey, what are you doing? We're not asking that because we don't know what they're doing. The reason we ask them is we just saw what they did, right? But we want them to confront, right?

8:47 Their own hearts. You see, god, he he questions us not because he needs to know and understand what's going on but again, he wants us to know and understand the truth of what's going on. And so here, the lord Jesus, right? He he is trying to teach Peter something and it's by asking questions. He actually asks him three questions.

9:25 Told him to come sit down, eat. And now that he's taking care of their physical needs, they they have been warmed by the fire and they're they've eaten. He now turns to Peter to deal with spiritual matters. And in my opinion, it would seem to me although I I don't not sure but it would seem as if even Jesus took Peter aside to do this because you'll see in verse 20, there's a point there where Peter turns around and he sees the disciple whom Jesus loved following. I like to picture Jesus there after they've eaten and they've worn themselves by the fire.

10:04 He says, Peter, come here. Let's... I want to talk to you about something. Now, what Jesus says is remarkable, and we're going to look at that. But what I think what he doesn't say, even more so.

10:25 Jesus doesn't say, some friend you turned out to be. I'm so disappointed in you. You let me down. You're all talk, Pete. What a coward.

10:49 Boy, was I wrong about you. And you call yourself a disciple? Remarkable, right, that Jesus doesn't say any of these things. That's probably what I would have said. But he simply asks, do you love me?

11:10 And I don't believe Jesus says it three times to rub it in. I believe Jesus says it three times, once for each denial. To to give Peter an opportunity to openly confess his love. I don't believe Jesus is here to inflict pain. I believe Jesus here is there to relieve it.

11:36 We know how Peter, right, had bitter tears of repentance. I think Jesus saw that. In first Peter chapter four verse eight, Peter himself tells us that love covers a multitude of sin. Where do you think he learned that? I think right here on the shore of Galilee.

12:00 That's where he learns this. When Jesus picks him up and dusts him off. And we've all been there too, haven't we? We've all had those moments where we failed our savior. There were times in my life where I let Jesus down And so this dialogue, right, between Peter and Jesus, it teaches us things about our savior but mostly about ourselves.

12:34 And so these questions, they they teach us different things and and so one of the things I think it teaches at least in the context here of Peter, the reason why Jesus asks this question, right? The first question he says is Peter, right? Or Simon, son of John, son of Jonah, he says, do you love me more than these? I think one of the first things that this question teaches us about ourselves is that we need to leave our lordliness. See, this what happens when you get a teacher.

13:36 More than the fish? I don't think so. Okay? I don't think that's what Jesus is asking. Nope.

13:44 I think he certainly loved Jesus more than the food. More than the disciples? No, I I think his love for Jesus over the other disciples wasn't the matter in question. More than the boats, the nets, no. Probably wasn't the issue either.

14:07 I I think what Jesus again here is, hey, do you love me more than these other disciples love me? I I I think this seems to be the issue. There's a reason. Turn to Matthew chapter 26. Keep your finger there in John.

14:22 Matthew chapter 26. Matthew chapter 26, beginning in verse 31. Then Jesus said to them, all of you will be made to stumble because of me this night. For it is written, I will strike the shepherd and the sheep of the flock will be scattered. But after I have been raised, I will go before you to Galilee.

15:06 What Peter says? Peter answers and said to them, even if all are made to stumble because of you, I will never be made to stumble. When Jesus said to him, surely I say to you that this night, before the rooster crows, you will deny me three times. And Peter said to him, even if I have to die with you, I will not deny you. You don't have to turn there, but in John chapter thirteen two, it says here that Simon Peter said to him, Lord, where are you going?

15:45 And Jesus said, where I am going, you cannot follow me now, but you shall follow me afterward. And Peter said, Lord, why can I not follow you now? I will lay down my life for your sake. I think there's more than a hint, right, in these boastful statements that Peter actually believed that he loved the lord more than the disciples did. I really believe he, I think he believed that.

16:13 You know, when we read that, it's almost as if Peter was to say, hey, I can see James and John falling away, lord but not me. Thomas? For sure, but not me. I'm spiritually stronger and more devoted to you than they are. I can see that their commitment might not hold up but mine will.

16:45 Beware. Brothers and sisters, beware of spiritual self confidence. Oh, beware of self righteousness. Believing that you're spiritually stronger than your sister or your brother, that you actually are more devoted. Oh, maybe you feel that way because you've been on a missions trip and they haven't.

17:17 Maybe because you go door to door and evangelize that you are more devoted than they are. Maybe tonight you believe that you love Jesus more because you don't own a TV. Or maybe you drive a a humble mobile. It's even the worst that I've seen brothers and sisters feel like they're more spiritual because they've never committed that sin. Beware.

18:00 And so you see, now instead of bragging, right, Peter is broken. Did Peter still think he was more faithful than the other disciples? Did Peter still believe that his devotion was deeper than that of his other disciples, the other disciples? It's amazing, right? Peter doesn't even attempt to answer that part of the question, does he?

18:31 His savior says, Peter, do you love me more than these? Peter doesn't even address that part because he knows that he doesn't even come close. There was no way he could agree with that because he knew what was in his own heart. Through his embarrassment, right, he sees that he had exalted himself over the other disciples. You see, it was his pride that ultimately led to his fall.

19:17 Right? When Peter answers him, because again, I think now he's broken. Peter says, yeah, Lord, you know that I'm fond of you. He can't even say, Lord, you know that I agape you. He uses the word phileo, which is a word that means that you're fond or you have affection for someone.

19:44 And that's Peter's response here. Peter, do you love me more than these? Peter can't even bring himself to address the second part of the question. And even with the first, he says, Lord, you know I I have affection for you. Beware of spiritual self confidence.

20:11 Beware of self righteousness. There's a story of two women in Shanghai. They were discussing the topic of pride and began to wonder if Hudson Taylor was ever tempted to be prideful because of his many accomplishments. One of the women decided to talk to Taylor's wife, Maria, about it. Maria promised the women that she would find out.

20:38 And so when Mrs. Taylor asked her husband if he was ever tempted to be proud, he was surprised. Proud about what? He asked. Well, about all the things that you have done, his wife explained.

20:52 Taylor responded, I never did... Knew I did anything. I think that's where we need to come, right, to the Lord? Instead of this self righteousness, this this pride, right, Is that of Hudson Taylor here is, I never even knew I did anything. And so this first question that that god asks, right?

21:17 That Jesus asks Peter and I think it's a lesson for all of us, right? Is that we need to leave our lordliness. This idea that we lift ourselves up above others. That somehow we think that we're more spiritual than someone else or that we're more devoted. That others, we could see them not being committed but us, oh no, we're fully committed.

21:41 Take heed. Lest you fall. But the second thing I see here that we can learn about ourselves, right? Not just to leave your lordliness but to learn your limits. Learn your limits.

22:00 As I mentioned before, the word Jesus uses here for love is agapeo which is an unconditional kind of love. It's used to describe wholehearted devotion. The NIV translates it as truly love. This is the kind of love that's spelled out in first Corinthians 13 verses seven and eight. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

22:29 This is a love that never fails. This is what Jesus is asking Peter As if Jesus was asking him, Peter, is your love unfailing? Does it persevere? Is it selfless? He wanted to know if Peter loved him supremely and again, remember, it's not that he doesn't know.

23:01 He's trying to get Peter to focus on the problem. Peter, he's actually honest here and uncharacteristically humble in his response when he says, Lord, you know that I like you. He uses that same word again. You see, Peter can't bring himself to say that he truly loves the Lord. Because he knows if he truly loved the Lord, he wouldn't have what?

24:10 Moses hadn't planned on killing someone. Jonah didn't think that he'd ever run away. And Peter couldn't imagine that he would deny his Lord. Friends, we must always be on guard and be vigilant. I mentioned earlier that first Corinthians ten twelve says, therefore, let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall.

24:40 You see, Peter would no longer boast, right, that he would never forsake the lord even if all the other disciples did. He had learned his lesson. Peter has learned to be honest with Christ. While he had affection for Jesus, he could no longer promise uncompromising devotion. He was just being honest.

25:07 He wished he could say that he loved Jesus, but he better just say that he liked his Lord. Likewise, brothers and sisters, I think we need to be honest in our relationship with Jesus Christ. He wants us to be honest. You know, there's a story. There was a woman and her husband who came to an elder for some help in their marriage.

25:40 The elder started by addressing the husband. He says, the Bible says to that you're to love your wife as Christ loves the church and the man replies, oh, I can't do that. The elder then tries a different tact. He says, alright, if you can't begin at that level, then begin on a lower level. You're supposed to love your neighbor as you love yourself.

26:03 Can you at least love her as you would love a neighbor? The husband says, no, that's still too high of a level. The elder rubbed his chin, took a deep breath, says, you know what? The Bible says love your enemies. Why don't you begin there?

26:21 We've got to be honest. The Lord Jesus is asking Peter these questions. One, that Peter could see that there was some pride there. Right? There was this exalting of himself over the other disciples.

26:38 But also Peter needed to learn to be honest with his Savior. He wanted to say that he loved the Lord supremely. But if he really did, how could he have done what he did? And so he says, Lord, you know that I like you, that I have affection for you. I was talking to a sister once about this.

27:04 And she herself said too, she goes, you know, she goes, I know I don't love the Lord supremely, but I want to. I want to. And that's what leads us to our last point here. Is not only do these questions teach us that we need to leave our lordliness and that we need to, what was it, the, what was that point? That was a good point.

27:55 Peter could have, I mean, Jesus could have asked Peter, do you believe in me? He doesn't say that, does he? Right? Or or maybe Jesus could've done some teaching at this moment. Maybe told a parable.

28:10 But he chose to find out Peter's love level. I I might have expected Simon, son of Jonah, are you sorry for what you did? That's what I would have expected. Right? Simon, son of Jonah, will you promise never to do this again?

28:38 No. It's not what Jesus asked, is it? You see, these other things that I just mentioned in the example, they will come if the other thing is there. Peter, do you love me? Do you love me?

28:57 You see, he denied Jesus three times. Now he gets to confess his love for him three times. It's amazing too is that, as I mentioned, the first two times Jesus says, Peter, do you agapeo me? Do you supremely love me? And both times, Peter says, Lord, you know that I like you.

29:26 The third time here, Jesus comes down to his level. He says, Peter, do you like me? He uses that word, phileo. Peter, do you phileo me? And it grieved Peter.

29:42 It grieved Peter to have Jesus ask him this way the third time. And even though Peter couldn't admit, right? That he loved him supremely, that he had got paid, his savior, above everything else. I want you to notice here that Peter still says that he loved him. Maybe not the same kind of love.

30:08 He said, Lord, you know that I love you, that I fillet you. And so Jesus' response to me is amazing. Each time, right? The first time he says, okay, feed my lambs. The second time, tend or shepherd my sheep.

30:25 And then the third time, feed my lambs again. It was as if Jesus was saying, listen, I know you can't love me supremely. I understand that you like me, that you have affection for me, but you're still the man for the job. I'm still going to entrust you to feed my lambs. I'm still going to entrust you to tend my sheep.

30:56 And I think a very practical way of demonstrating love of Christ or love for Christ is by feeding the lambs in Christ's flock, and protecting and leading the sheep of God's flock. Peter realizes now with the revelation of this Lord, the Lord's hurting question, right, that he does love him. I think Peter realized that. He does love the Lord, and he wants to love him more. But then comes this point.

31:30 Right? Right? Peter now realizes that he does love him, and it's as if the Lord is just saying this, then do something about it. Don't don't testify how much you love me. Right?

31:48 Don't don't profess about the marvelous revelation that you had. Just feed my sheep, Peter. The church was going to have to be fed and led by Peter. So what did Peter need? Right?

32:06 What what is it that the Lord Jesus is trying to teach Peter here? He's going to use Peter, right, to feed and to lead. All Peter needed was to love Jesus. I believe the most important thing in ministry is loving Jesus. All other ministries flow from that.

32:57 Tomorrow remind me to introduce my family. But my oldest daughter, when her, I guess for lack of a better word, boyfriend, came to me and asked me for her hand in marriage. I don't know if any of your dads have been through that. That's a horrible, horrible night. Okay?

33:19 And he's a godly man. I praise God for him. But man, that's your first girl, your baby girl. And he's like, Hey, I'd like to come over tonight. Oh, Lydia's coming?

33:27 Because my daughter at the time wasn't living with us. She was living with my parents. That's long story. But I was like, Wait a minute. Why is he coming by himself?

33:32 Oh, no. He's going to ask us. But, yeah, my my son-in-law now at that time had asked if if he could marry my daughter. And I remember. I remember there was there was so many things that I had rehearsed and things that I wanted to say to him.

33:50 But you know what? In that moment, I just remember the thing I said. I said, listen, if you can promise me that you'll love Jesus more than my daughter, then you have my blessing. I said because in reality, I could say, hey, you know what? The fact that you're an assembly guy, or the fact that you're really good at teaching, or the fact that you've never committed that sin, all these things are great.

34:14 You know, all the things as a dad, you say, okay, this is what I want for my husband, for my daughter. If he doesn't love Jesus, what does it matter? He has to love Jesus. Peter knew. He knew that he had many areas of deficiencies, but he loved Jesus.

34:39 So we talk about relationships this weekend. Right? What do husbands need? They need wives who love Jesus. That's what they need.

34:51 What do wives need? Husbands who love Jesus. What do children need? Parents who love Jesus. Children perhaps with a single parent.

35:09 They need a parent who loves Jesus. What does your ministry need? Your ministry needs you to love Jesus. What does this assembly need? It needs saints who love Jesus.

35:27 That is the underlying lesson here. It is the only acceptable motive for serving him. Do you love Jesus? There was a a Dutch diamond collector. I guess he was seeking some very rare diamond, and there was a dealer in New York by the name of mister Winston.

35:52 He had heard of this inquiry and he contacted contacted him, letting him know that he actually believed that he possessed this diamond that this guy was looking for. When the diamond collector arrived, mister Winston had his salesman present the diamond. And the salesman described all the technical aspects of the diamond. However, within minutes, that diamond collector raised his hand and said, this is not what I was looking for. Watching from a distance, mister Winston hurriedly intercepted or in, him as he was walking out, and he asked him if he could present the diamond again.

36:31 And so the collector agreed. Mister Winston pulled out the same diamond and he started describing his admiration for this particular diamond. Within minutes, they were signing papers. He had purchased the diamond. As the gentleman was walking out, he asked, what just happened?

36:58 He said, why was it so easy for me to say no to your salesman a little while ago, but with you, I actually purchased the diamond? Mr. Winston answered. He said, see that salesman is the best in my business. He knows more about diamonds than anyone, including myself.

37:19 He goes, and I pay him a large salary for his knowledge and his expertise. But I would gladly pay him twice as much if I could put into him something that I have which he lacks. You see, he knows diamonds. I love them. Brothers says that we need to go from just a head knowledge of Jesus.

37:47 Right? Move from just what we know about Jesus and ask ourselves, do you love him? Do you love him? You see, before we can work on our earthly relationships, we need to make sure our relationship is right with the Lord first. I don't know.

38:11 Maybe there's someone here tonight that you've never trusted Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Savior. Hey, listen. Before you can work on a relationship in your marriage, before you can work on the relationship with your children, before you can worsh... Work on any other relationships you may have. Right?

38:24 If you don't have a relationship with Jesus Christ, need to do so tonight. And for those of us who do have a relationship with Jesus Christ, it's important. Right? Begin where you are today. Jesus says to you and me, do you agape o me?

38:46 If you don't, just say something like this. No, I'm not there yet, but I want to be. Right? I will succumb. I still succumb to sin, and I fail all the time.

38:59 I need your help. I want you to notice something that in all three of these aspects, right, all three of these responses that Peter gives to Jesus, he says... Peter affirms. He's right. He says, Jesus, you know.

39:15 You know. You know. I think that's important. Jesus knows the worst about us, and he still loves us. It's true.

39:30 He knows the worst about you and me. And yet he still loves you, and he still wants to use you. You see, when we're honest with the Lord, he says this, good. Now I can work on restoring our relationship so that you can become a devoted disciple. See, I need you to tell me your level of love for me.

39:55 And when you do, your love for me will grow. Tell Jesus how much you love him. Perhaps you failed, like Peter. It's time to talk to your savior. He wants to know how much you love him or how much you don't.

40:18 But he wants you to tell him. Examine your heart. Ask the question, how much love do I have for the Lord? He can take your old life and he can give you a new one. Just as he pursued Peter, he's pursuing you.

41:18 Lord Jesus, I just pray for each one here tonight that they would be honest in their level of love for you. That they would have a conversation with you. And that wherever they may be, if they could be honest and just come to you where they are tonight, Lord, that that that love would begin to grow. Even as that sister once told me that she knows that she doesn't love Jesus the way that she should, but she wants to. And I'm so thankful too that even though we all sin, even though we all have our own deficiencies that that actually you still want to use us.

41:56 Thank you that even though you you know the worst of us, you still love us and that you want a relationship with us. Lord Jesus, thank you again for loving us so much, that you were willing to, die on the cross to take the penalty for our sins. And, we're thankful that the cross not only saved us from the penalty of sin, but it saved us from the guilt of sin too. And so again, I just ask even tonight that each one would have a conversation with you and that you would use it, Lord God, to help them in the other relationships that they have. We again ask for your help, giving you thanks for who you are and for what you've done for us.

42:46 In Jesus' name, amen.