Holy Instead of Happy — Romans 8

0:01 Don had mentioned that there were some marriage studies going on. I was... I'm facilitating the one over at the Markovich's. And between that and my wife and I are participating in some biblical marital counseling, and also we are meeting with a young couple anticipating marriage and going over some of the biblical principles with them. So although I may not be up to it now in about twelve weeks, I'm gonna know everything there is to know about marriage, so I should be an expert on it.

0:35 You can you can check with my wife, see if she agrees. Oh, did it up. Try this one. One of the tenants of the study, or I would say the main tenant is, I think Dentel shared it with us last week, is what if marriage is was designed to make us holy instead of happy? And I like the comment someone had made at our meeting, well I'm not happy, so I must be holy.

1:11 But it really begs the question, are we asking more of our spouses and our marriages than we were designed to give? I mean, if we're looking for fulfillment, if we're looking for provision, if we're looking for these types of things, I mean... And I... And we have to speak from a biblical paradigm that are these not things that the Lord has promised us to provide. And to expect those things from someone here might might be a bit more than we can ask.

1:49 Now one of the things that I read this morning said that maturity in the Lord is a prerequisite for maturity in marriage. Now unfortunately, it's not a prerequisite for marriage, so most of us start out as immature Christians with immature marriages, making making lots of assumptions and mistakes, a lot of which come from society, and and what they think a marriage should be. This one came to mind. I wasn't really comfortable sharing it, but I will anyway. Feminism.

2:53 And not because they deserved it and or earned it. If that were the case, I think that we would fall short. The... I think the best illustration I could think of that is you're respecting what God has set in place. I mean, could...

3:12 We can talk about, what are they, indicatives and imperatives. I mean, doesn't say that a god... That a man is created as a leader, but he is given the authority to lead. And whether he chooses to accept that authority or relinquish it, whether a woman decides to honor it or usurp it, are all things that that will affect our our marriages. God has put us together as tools for his use, and I like tool analogies because I use tools in my work.

3:53 But the one that I liked, someone had said, well, if you have a nail and you want to pound it in, it's best to use a hammer. You can use a crescent wrench, and honestly I have. I'm a nice big heavy one. We'll pound in a nail quite nicely. But it was not the purpose for which it was designed.

4:10 And if we can embrace the purpose for which we were designed, then we might... Then then I think the the happiness and fulfillment that we were pursuing, we might get by pursuing what God had called us to be. We've talked a little bit about what marriage isn't. So what exactly is it for? And one of the things that were put forth in the study, what if it was to make us holy?

4:39 What if it was not to put us with a person who was exactly like us, so we could go through thinking that's how everyone should be, and we'd be, you know, wonderful and happy together. What if the Lord put us with something, with someone, sorry, that could... Would shine a light on those areas that need work. That I've heard someone put it to kind of rub off the rough edges to show what actually is within us, and how that can come out. And I think most of you will agree, there's things that come out in the privacy of your marriage that don't come out in public to reveal to us who and what we are, and what it is that that needs to be worked on.

6:10 So that is it possible that even in these difficulties and strifes that we might have, not in the first year, but maybe a little bit later on in our marriages, some of the struggles that we do have, that there might be a purpose behind them. And I think if we continue on in that verse, for whom he foreknew, he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his son, that he might be the firstborn among many brethren. So could that possibly be part of the function that the Lord had called us together to be with this one person to help us actually conform to the image of his son? And the other verse, and I'll just close with this to give some other people some time. James one two through four.

6:57 My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that test produces your faith... I'm sorry. Knowing that testing of your faith produces patience, but let patience have its perfect work that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. That, you know, in the world it's just so easy to say we got married, and now I'm not happy in my marriage, so I must not have picked the right person. I mean, and we we we won't even question the paradigm that marriage was something that another person would...

7:57 What do I have to learn through this? And I think on our best days we can. And as long as we keep our focus on him, that he can carry us through whatever he's promised to carry us through, whatever strifes or struggles that we're facing. Thank you.