Raising Spiritual Children — Proverbs 12

0:00 So I have one chart. Okay? Is that okay? One chart for the ladies. Caring for the Fruitful Bough.

0:09 I brought some books. I have a trilogy on the family called The Olive Plants, The Fruitful Vine, and The Fruitful Bough. One for husbands and fathers and one for wives and mothers, and then one for parents in general and raising the kids. The olive plant starts with the very early years, cradle years, and then their middle years, and then guiding adolescence into marriage. So, it goes all the way from the cradle to marriage.

0:37 And that was written over a ten year period. And before it was released, we got a lot of feedback and help from other parents as well. So, just some thoughts for the ladies. If you would turn in your Bibles to Proverbs 12. Proverbs chapter 12.

1:02 This is one of my wife's favorite verses. Verse four, an excellent wife is the crown of her husband. But she who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones or cancer in his bones. If you suddenly took all the bones out of my body, I would be a blob of spasm ic blubber here on the ground, right? Blinds give stature.

1:32 If you remove my bones and I don't reach the stature that I have today. And we learned yesterday that God created the woman to be a helpmeet comparable to Adam and I I really believe that because of my wife, I I'm able to do a lot more than I ever could and reaching a fuller potential. She's a help me to me and so like Proverbs 31, the townspeople, the family, they know a virtuous woman. It's evident in the order of the home and what the husband's able to do. The husband was able to set in the gates and continue his business.

2:13 He didn't have to worry about the fears at the home. And that's liberating for a husband. When I travel, I don't have to worry about things in the home. I just have confidence in my wife that she's going to be handling those things. In Hebrews chapter two, we read that man was a crown to creation.

2:31 And just to encourage the sisters here that are married or those that will be married, Man was created as a crown of creation, authority over creation. But from this verse, a virtuous wife is a crown to the crown. And so that's a real evidence of the benefit of a godly virtuous woman. So, you can either be cancer to your husband and cancer to his bones where he never reaches his stature or you can be a crown. And that is a decision that God presents to you.

3:04 You can't be forced, but you can be a crown or you can be cancer. And a crown is a tremendous help. And we find out that favor, the God's favor and blessing comes to the husband through the wife, Proverbs eighteen twenty two and nineteen fourteen. In Proverbs 31, I mentioned that, that the virtuous woman she's called blessed. Those in the town know her.

3:29 Her family calls her blessed. And if you would just flip over to Titus, two familiar passages. Titus chapter two, it's a chapter in which Paul has something for everybody. He talks to the older men, the older women, the younger men, the younger women. He says this in verse three, the older women likewise that they may reverence, be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given too much wine, teachers of good things.

4:08 That they may admonish the younger women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands that the word of God would not be blasphemed. Verse four again, that they may admonish the young women to love their husbands and to love their children. To be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands that the word of God may not be blasphemed. And so there's this responsibility, the keepers of the home that God has given the wife. And there's also character things that Titus is told to pass on to these these women and just a complimentary verse of that over in first Timothy subject matter here is widows indeed and Paul gives like five criterion to determine a widow indeed that's deserving of the church's support.

5:10 But then he turns his focus to the younger widows and he says in verse 14, I desire that the younger widows marry, bear children, manage the house, give no opportunity to the adversary to speak reproachfully. The word there for opportunity is actually a military term and it means a beachhead. So if a wife does not keep the home, she doesn't keep the home in order, that allows Satan to come in and get a beachhead to establish an opportunity to cause chaos in the home. And so it's a very important a very important ministry, a sphere of responsibility that God has given the woman. She's to be keeper of the home.

5:56 And my wife uses that term all the time because she's the one who goes to the library and we don't have a TV but we get old videos and so forth to watch exercising and, you know, different things. And she's very serious about not letting anything come into the home that's putrid and of a of something that would displease the Lord. And I think that's a that's a very important ministry and I appreciate that. She told me when I was working in engineering, she says, I want our home to be an oasis that you'll always want to come home to. And I always appreciated that.

6:32 She'd have the kids at the door when I come home, they'd be grabbing my legs. Hi, daddy. Good to see you. And she always just made it a real treat to come home. And I've appreciated that about my wife, Brenda, and that she's taken that responsibility very seriously.

7:32 Don't be accusers. And so that's another little tidbit that Paul gives Titus. And then wives are not to manipulate or nag. We looked at a passage yesterday in Genesis and we saw that when Isaac loved and Rebecca respected, which is Ephesians five thirty three, the recipe for a good marriage, that they were happy and things went well in the family. But when Isaac didn't execute spiritual leadership as he should and he didn't have sacrificial love for Rebecca, then there started to become problems and then we see Rebecca manipulating and infringing on Isaac's authority in the family.

8:13 And as a result of that, it tore the family apart. And so the very teaching that Paul gives us in Ephesians five, we can see acted out in a very practical way in the book of Genesis. So again, Proverbs nineteen thirteen, I won't take the time to read it but wives are not to manipulate, not to nag. I will say that respectful feedback is not an insult to submission. I welcome it.

8:40 I know that if my wife has prayed about something and comes to me and says I have something I want to share with you, I know that she isn't doing it off the cuff. She's not doing it tit for tat. There's something that she really wants me to hear and I need it, right? We need each other. Sometimes we don't perceive things properly.

8:58 We say things that are wrong. We don't mean to. But it's part of the growth opportunity that we have in marriage. We're in the Lord's school. The Lord's teaching us and often our spouses should be the closest person that we know on earth can relate to us and understand us in ways that nobody else can and also give the constructive feedback that we need to grow.

9:22 So given respectfully, that's not an insult. Submission is not an the idea of being walked over. It's the idea of saluting the authority that god's put in place. It's it's respecting that authority. Right?

9:37 So, the deepest need of a man is to be respected. Paul brings that out in Ephesians chapter five. We talked yesterday the deepest needs of the woman are security and significance. So, we have we're quite different, male and female. If you're married, you know that.

9:52 We're just quite different. We have different ways that we relate and different ways that different needs. Okay. So, that's all I'm going to say to the ladies. What I'd like to do now is just think about the Christian home for the rest of the session and the next session.

10:08 Next session, want to look at five tactics that the devil uses on the home to cause chaos. And I see those things very evident today. But I just want to think with you from scripture on the Christian home. C. H.

10:22 Macintosh, he's one of my favorite authors from yesteryear, answers this question, what is a Christian home with a question? He says, now the question for Christian parents, conscience really is, am I counting upon god for my house and ruling my house for god? A solemn question. Surely, it is to be feared very few fill its magnitude and power. A Christian home is not a household of Christians but a Christian household.

10:53 It's not a house in where everybody is born again and covered under the blood. It's a household in which everyone is living by the word of Christ and pursuing him. So, it's not just Christ living in all family members, but we're all in the family live for Christ and obey his word. And hopefully in our homes, we can say God's word is supreme. It's the ultimate authority.

11:19 It's where we first go to as parents. That's one of the best things you can do with small children or even middle aged children when there's issues. It's just always point them to scripture to find solutions and answers. Alright, just some thoughts about children from god's perspective. Children are born unto the lord.

11:40 Parents are stewards. They're not owners of their children. When you think about children are the only thing that God entrusts us with that's eternal. Everything else, rust, corrodes, decays, but children have an eternal soul. I was kind of making a plug for after school programs last night and just sharing a couple stories.

12:02 I think it's one of the greatest ministries that the church can be involved in North America is reaching children within the public school system. And these after school clubs or backyard clubs through the summer and so forth. For a lot of these children, it's the only place they'll ever hear the gospel. And so, it's a great opportunity to reach children for the Lord. But we are stewards.

12:26 God gives us these these cute little sinners. I mean, they're they're beautiful but they're distilled beautiful little sinners and we got one training manual. Every child's different. I have four children. All four are quite different.

12:40 And yet one manual. And you make a lot of mistakes, especially on that first one and second one. And you learn and you go on in grace and you learn as you go. And I think when our first child was born, our doctor gave us Doctor. Beamer, he was a believer.

12:59 And he gave us some great counsel. He could see us a little nervous holding this little baby and he says, just remember that children live despite parents. Yeah, that was good and they kind of just settled us down. So, you will make mistakes. That's part of it.

13:33 Book of Psalms and we're looking at Psalm 127. I was talking to Randy Amos one time. I said, brother, when you're preaching, do you ever have time, you struggle, you're just trying to find a passage where it's in your Bible? He says, yeah. I said, do do?

13:57 He said, oh, you just keep talking until you get there. So Psalm 127 verse three, behold children are a heritage from the Lord. The fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior so are children of one's youth. Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them.

14:16 They shall not be ashamed but shall speak with their enemies in the gate. And so children, they're likened to all of plants in another Psalm. And then they're also likened to arrows. I like that because I'm a bow hunter. I can relate to arrows.

14:35 And I remember something that happened when my second child Matthew, Matthew Jordan was only about seven. He had one of these little fiberglass bows and he just loved to go out and shoot these wood arrows into a bale of straw or hay. We had a little farmette then and one day he says, hey dad, look at this arrow. And he pulled it back and shot and this arrow goes like way, this curved right in the ground, way in front of the bale of straw. I said, Go get that arrow.

15:06 I want to take a look at it. And so I held it in front of him. I spun it in my hand and that that arrow had a curved shaft. I said, son, this is a crazy arrow and it's dangerous. I said, I I don't want you shooting this arrow.

15:22 You might hit chickens or cattle or something. You don't know where that's going to go. And so when when god gives us these precious gifts, this heritage, we have arrows with all kinds of crooked shafts and so we're to use the word of god. We're teaching doctrine, correction, instruction, and all that that we read in two Timothy three. And what we're trying to do is straighten the shafts and we're sharpening the heads with the word of God so that when we pull back and release our children into this world, that they go further than we did and there is this penetrating blow into a dark world that desperately needs to see Christ.

16:06 And so it's a constant work. We're straightening. The worst thing we can do is shoot crazy arrows into the world in the name of Christ. It'll bring disdain on his name. And so it's it's really a challenge.

16:20 Not just moral children, spiritual children. I made the point yesterday that much of the Christian literature that we have today if you're watching videos and so forth is trying to create moral children. I think the primary thing should be spiritual children. If you grow spiritual children, they will be moral. But that's the secondary thing that comes out of it.

16:43 They'll be Christ like the more they grow closer to the Lord. We homeschooled for twenty, I think it was twenty three years. I can't remember now. Twenty one to twenty three years, all four of our children. Last year, our youngest graduated.

16:58 So, we're past that stage now And but it was a joy each year for my wife to go out for dinner and then we go somewhere, a park, and we just talk for two or three hours about all of the children. She just loved it. It was her favorite date of the whole year. And we would go through these five categories with each of the children: moral, physical, spiritual, emotional, and academic. And we would try to say, okay, here's strengths in this child.

17:31 Here are weaknesses. This is where we and we try to put a strategy together for the year for each of the children. And I think that's a very wise thing to do. You can meet more often than a year, but it's a great time for mom and dad to be on the same page. Of course, Proverbs twenty two six, train up a child in ways to go when he's when he's old, he's not part from it.

17:51 It gives every parent hope. Children do have a free will. They can go their own way but if we train them up for the lord and we're depositing god's word in their heart, that's like a gyroscope that's going to keep them no matter if they do stray, it's going to be their their entire life calling them back to the straight narrow path and so it's really an encouragement to parents just to keep pouring the word of god into them. There may be times I know children that have strayed for a few years but then they come back. There's consequences to that and I know in the the lives of each of my children around the age of 13 to 15, I write about this in Olive plants, went through what I call the turbulent season, where they kind of, they've been going to church, they've been basically living in the shadow of their parents all these years.

18:47 And now they're kind of looking around, who am I? What do I really believe? And it can be a really turbulent time in the development phase of the child as they are not just following your faith, but they make it theirs, what they really believe. And because they're asking questions, some parents read that as rebellion. And it's really not so much rebellion as an anxiety of not knowing.

19:15 And so that's where we really need to affirm love. Some parents then tighten down and that's the wrong thing to do because then it drives the child away. What you want to do is continue more dialogue, not from the way that you would talk to your three year old or four year old, but more of an adult, more of a counselor drawing that, as Proverbs says, that deep counsel that's in the heart, drawing it like water out of a well. And so that's one of the challenges for parents is to moving from that toddler stage where you do what I say or it hurts to, you know, counseling and directing as the child gets over and establishing a pattern for life so that when your older children, your married children do have problems, they're going to be happy to come back to you to get counsel and advice. And so that's the type of situation that you want to instill in your children, not being overbearing because that would drive them away, but keeping the dialogue open, asking questions, drawing from the words so they can get through that.

20:23 Okay, parents are responsible to God for training up their children. We talked about this first yesterday out of Ephesians six:one-four. Parents are to raise them up in nurture and admonition of the Lord. The word there for nurture is Paidea in the Greek. It's a it's a multi spectrum word for training.

20:43 It's also used in second Timothy three sixteen instruction and righteousness. So, it can be instruction, it can be a broad training. It's also the word used in Luke 23 by Pilate when he says, I will Pidea Christ and he's talking about scourging. I will train him by scourging. And so that's a train by pain concept and that also has Paidea.

21:13 So, it's an a multifaceted word. Well, the Jews after god had led them out of Egypt through the wilderness, they had those glory days under Joshua in Canaan and they were obedient to the most part and driving out the the garrisons and the main armies within Canaan but then they left these pockets of the pagans among them and and sought to profit from them. And in time, the slaves became the master. And so that leads into the cycle in the book of Judges where you get this departure from the lord, embracing paganism, god chasing his people, and then when they they've had enough, they cry out to the lord in repentance and the lord brings them a deliverer and leads them into peace for a time and then they they wander back into what they ought not to. Well, by the time we get to the third chapter of Judges, we read that the early generation that saw the glory of the lord and all those great things were gone.

23:02 Covenant people said they would follow his law, abide with him, and now they're out embracing other gods. They're two timing the lord and they don't know the lord. Lord says, well, I know how to get their attention but it's going to be painful And so we don't want our children to experience the chasting hand of God just because of our lack of training them up for the Lord. So what I'd like to do in the rest of this session is think with you about ways that we can encourage our children to grow up spiritually and go and continue following the Lord. Again, untrained children will remain foolish.

23:38 They're going to go their own way. Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child, right? That's what this verse tells us. And what drives it from them? The rod, right?

23:48 And so there's a corporal punishment. There is children need to learn at an early age that there's consequences for their disobedience. If they don't learn at an early age, then they'll learn it later under civil law and the consequences will be much worse. So, want to, there was one quote about children need to be trained in the high chair, not the electric chair. That's carrying it to the extreme, but that's the idea.

24:15 You may feel like you want to use an electric chair sometimes. Children will cost us everything, our money, our strength, our life. But if we choose to neglect our parental calling, Satan and his world system will be glad to intrude upon our responsibility. That's why I believe that one parent needs to be with the children as much as possible. I believe by God's design for the family that that is the mother according to Titus chapter two verse four and what we saw in first Timothy verse chapter five.

24:48 So, it's a parenting is a full time job, twenty four hours a day. We're ministering to eternal souls. Deuteronomy six six through seven makes it pretty clear that throughout the day when they lie down, when they rise up and so forth, all those different situations that happen for children throughout the day, we're to be able to apply the word of God and use these teachable moments. But if parents aren't with their children throughout the day, that becomes very hard to continue using these teachable moments and applying the word of God. Alright, so just some ideas for raising spiritual children.

25:30 The primary the primary focus obviously is to keep the gospel before them and see them turn to Christ hopefully at an early age. I remember my son Trey, we lived in a farmhouse and he was almost three. And I, that's when I was still in engineering. And I was up in the morning taking a shower, getting ready for work. And he came around the bathroom in his little, he had Winnie the Pooh one piece sleepers on, you know.

26:03 And he's looking at me, he's just watching me shave and he says, Dad, does Kate have salvation? And I said, yes, I believe that Kate has salvation and so I I kept shaving a little bit more and he says, does does Jordan have salvation? And I looked and I said, yes, Jordan has trusted Christ as savior. I believe that he has salvation. And I knew where this was going, right?

26:37 And so he looks up and he's not even three years old. He says, does Michael Trey have salvation? And god was working on his heart. God was working in a in a way that I wasn't even aware of and so I put the razor down. I got down at his level and I just tenderly explained the gospel again.

26:55 Now, I think he got saved six times before it stuck. He was just one of those kids that, you know, he just make the profession for it. And then finally, got assurance of his salvation. The other two were pretty clear cut. Were, Brenda and I were sitting at the kitchen table one evening and Kate came out.

27:11 She's 3.5 years old. She'd been in bed for an hour. She came out. I just want to tell you that I know Jesus. I'm spending heaven, eternity with you and God in heaven.

27:20 Turned around, went back to bed. Praise the Lord. Okay? It's a little different conversion than most children but so, this is very important. We are just constantly keeping the gospel before the children and I praise God.

27:36 I grew up in a liberal denomination. I never even knew the brethren existed till I was about 21. That's little B brethren. And that's one thing I can say about the New Testament Assembly is the gospel and solid teaching is just constantly being given to the sheep. But as parents, we want to make sure that the word of God is constantly be given to the sheep in the home.

28:34 But at that time, we gave them a a translation they could read and so when they were reading well, we say, okay, here's here's a Bible and here's the spiral notebook and I would like you every morning when you get up to have a quiet time with the lord. I'm not going to tell you how much to read or where to read except that it would be good to start in the New Testament and then I want to I want you to write down the date, what you read, and just one thought of application or one thought about the lord. And then, I'm going to meet with you once a week to see how your quiet time notebook is going. And so I did that with all four of our children. And then after six months, I would go to every other week.

29:23 And then after six months for the next year, I'd meet with them once a month. And I got to tell you as I look back, those are some of the most precious times that I had with my children is setting down and seeing what the Lord was giving them from scripture. Pure hearts, just genuineness coming out. It was just a thrill. And if you homeschool, the benefit of that is misspelled words get circled to go on their spelling test.

29:47 So, they're constantly getting tested for words I know they don't know how to spell. My son Trey, Warren Weirsby talks about if you have four kids, one will probably be a clown. Well, Trey is our clown. And he just is naturally it. I remember at seven, given him in the book and asking him, okay, I want you to do these three things.

30:11 The date, how write down what you read, and one thought about the lord. So, a week later, I sat down with him. I opened up his book and on Monday, what's the date? What I read? One thought about the Lord.

30:28 On Tuesday, he wrote the same thing again. All seven days, he wrote this exactly what I asked him to write down. I said, Trey, no, that's not the idea. He said, That's what you told me to do. I said, Yes, but write down what the date is, okay?

30:49 The day, the month, and so forth, and what you read from scripture. Today, all four of my kids, they still have daily quiet times. That's the first thing they do in the morning. It's just a great practice to start the day with the Lord. Can we do anything without the lord?

31:06 No, right? John, the lord tells his disciples that in the gospel of John, without me, you can do nothing But then Paul says in Philippians, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. So, without Christ, we can't do anything and in Christ, in the will of god, we can do everything. So, it's important that our children learn to depend on the lord. Encourage children to fulfill gender roles.

31:35 Some ideas, boys especially should learn to do physical work. It's good for young men to work. Be groomed for spiritual leadership within the church and the family. Sons, just one idea is just to lead family devotions one night per week. So, our family, Matthew had one night a week, Trey had one night a week.

32:01 And I think at the start, the average devotion lasted between twelve and fifteen seconds. And part of that was finding the verse, okay? And that was okay. So they would stand up and, you know, got our attention and they would read a verse and just give a thought. But as the years went by, they started to get more meaty.

32:24 But it was just that the idea of standing up in front of people and speaking. That the home should be a very comfortable place to learn to do that. And so then what we noticed after a year or two is that they would start standing up and praying in the chapel prayer meeting and then they would start standing up and sharing in the lord's supper and so the home is a great training ground to teach young men to take part in the audible ministry which the lord has called us to do within the local assembly and again, the home is a great training ground for that. Daughters taught to care of the home, prepare nutritious meals, how to plan and nurture children. One of the things that has become very evident to me in pre marriage counseling is a lot of young women today do not know how to keep house.

33:18 They do not know how to cook. They do not know how to plan a menu. I think things have changed a little bit given that there's many more women now in the workforce. That's something that should be taught. I think it's good for sons to learn all those things too.

33:34 But there's a responsibility for daughters and keepers of the home when they get married to do those things. So work with daughters to plan and prepare maybe one evening meal or one weekend meal or breakfasts or so forth and training them to be able to do that. Whereas a couple that I worked with probably eighteen years ago, I took them through pre marriage counseling and got married. And then we had meetings after that and they weren't being able to keep any of their money. And so we worked on a budget and we found out that they were spending about $800 a month in fast food.

34:17 More than their rent. I said, well, do you guys go to the grocery store? Do you plan a menu? No, we just don't have time. We just eat out.

34:27 I said, okay. What if you put an envelope and put cash in it and said, this is all we want to spend this month for eating out. What would be a good number? They said $100 I said, right, we're going to work with $100 And so they put this money in an envelope and that's, I said, you can't use your credit cards, you can't use your debit cards. If you go out, you have to draw from this envelope.

34:52 We're teaching responsibility, accountability. That forced them now to start planning a menu, buying food, cooking it. And within a couple months, they were saving hundreds of dollars. They actually gave me a gift one night. So, well, we're saving money.

35:07 We figured some parts should come back to you, right? So, praise the Lord. I got some other ideas for you. So they were very happy to go through that growing situation of not depending on others cooking food. It's expensive and it's healthier really.

35:51 It's it was the Lord's dying request for us to prepare and to come together to worship the Lord. And so we want to make sure that we have anything that you've done this week that's been wrong or a sin. We want you to make sure you confess that with the Lord. And then from what they've been doing in their daily quiet times, looking for something the entire week that they can share before the lord and so sons and daughters, it's important to work with them, teaching the difference between praise and worship. Pray, it's easy to praise the lord for who he is, what he's done but worship takes more work.

36:32 To look in scripture and understand the heart of God and what he's expressing about his character and about his son and the work of his son. It's precious to him. And so God wants to hear that. And so worship takes work. It's a sacrifice.

36:47 Takes your time in order to prepare an offering and those are really precious times. Every man, woman, and child should come to lord's supper with prepared hearts to worship. Amen? Amen. Every man, woman, and child and so it was really encouraging to my daughter, Kate.

37:07 She was seven and Brenda had her memorize poetry out of the black hymn book And that particular Sunday, the last hymn, a brother named Rick stood up and said, I would like to sing this hymn. And I saw my daughter go, that was the hymn she'd been memorizing all week. Brenda only had her do two verses out, first and last verse. And then the brother said, that's only sing the first and last verses. How often do I don't even know that I've done that in ten years.

37:38 We always sing all the verses, right? But that made a real mark on her that god was listening to her. My youngest daughter on Saturday evenings, she goes in her bedroom, she closes the door, she spends one to two hours, commentaries perfecting her thought of worship for the Lord's Supper. Takes it very serious. I didn't know it until about a month or two ago.

38:02 She even has a logbook of for she calls her Lord's Supper logbook where she picks out hymns and thoughts and verses and she writes it all down. Over and over again, Kelsey has come to me and said, dad, thanks for sharing my thought. I was also thinking about these verses too. Yeah, those are good verses, sweetheart. But what it shows is that worship proceeds from the heart.

38:26 When the brother stands up to share, the Holy Spirit is using him to correlate all of our thoughts in the same time. But the the vocal cords are not the worship. The vocal cords is what God uses to align everyone's thoughts. They don't go past the back wall or the ceiling tile. Worship proceeds from the heart and when every man, woman, and child is is a prepared worshiper, then the incense mingles and goes up and god breathes it in as, oh man, that refreshes me.

38:58 That refreshes me. And that's what we want. So, I want to encourage, I think it's very important. I grew up in a liberal denomination. I think we broke bread once a quarter.

39:10 Ten minutes, it was really special, you know. I'm sorry, I shouldn't use sarcasm. I told the guys yesterday, don't use sarcasm. But that it was just a dead thing. And so that's one of the things I really appreciated when I was introduced to New Testament principles for gathering, seeing the brothers prepared, sharing some weeping before the Lord.

39:33 And if I can just say this without being offensive, wherever two or three are gathered, Lord says I'm in the midst. If the Lord's here, whenever you start your meeting, you should be here. That's we wouldn't be late to go to an interview. We wouldn't be late to go to work. What we try to do at our meeting is try to get everybody there ten minutes early so we can set before the Lord and prepare and just meditate so we're not just rushing in and there's not the distraction.

40:02 So that's an important thing I think in the in the lord's supper is is being prepared worshipers and being there. Remove child idols. This is a constant problem, isn't it? And sometimes you don't even know they're there. I remember one time Matthew, he got a yo yo for his birthday.

40:23 Man, he was doing all these crazy tricks and so forth. And one morning before his quiet time, he pulls out his yo yo and he's doing all these things with it. And Michael Trey comes to run through your house. Matthew has an idol. Matthew has an idol.

40:39 And Matthew then came running after his brother, still yo yo in hand. And I said, what's going on, Matthew? And the tears just started coming down. He has a very tender heart and he realized, okay, I was putting this before my time with the Lord. And so it's good for children to learn that we don't want to put anything ahead of the lord and it can be something that's not wrong in itself but if we are allowing the permissible to displace the good, we're an error And if we allow the good to displace the best, we're an error.

41:20 And so we want to put the best forward. So if there anything within the house that starts causing a lack of devotion for Lord, then we need to take action. Discipline is another thing that we're not born with. It has to be taught. I think it's a great to work with the kids early on and teaching them limits.

42:13 We talked about social media yesterday. People waste a lot of time in social media. And so, there's a lot of these things that come in that don't have really an impact for eternity. Computer limits, internet time. The children had these little timers that they sat down at the computer to play a game or something.

42:35 They had to start the timer. Also Internet time. So much time they cab each day on the Internet. Again, not trying to be heavy handed, but we want them to be mindful of the time that they're spending. And so if I would come by and they were there at the computer and their timer wasn't going, they were done for the day.

42:53 So we're trying to establish accountability. And at an early age, learning limits, learning discipline is so important. It's harder to learn later in life. Music limits. I think it's great for each home to have a library of all acceptable books, a library of all acceptable music.

43:15 I think kids can go there as often as they want. So, putting limits on what is good music. If your children are listening to it hours on end, then you may want to establish some kind of critique. But the idea is teach them discipline while they're young. Remove any influence of anything or anyone that is hindering spiritual growth.

43:36 Usually, children are if believing children are struggling, it's almost always influences. It's either other friends. It's like one Corinthians fifteen thirty three, bad companions corrupt good morals. So, you have the influence of friends or you have influence of something that's coming in, music or internet interaction or something that's influencing. So, you want to find what that is and be able to remove it.

44:06 Teach to pause and pray for difficulties. My wife is so much better at this than I am. When things get tough, the tough get going. That's kind of my philosophy. And there's been a lot of times where something went wrong and I'm there and I'm getting frustrated.

44:22 And I remember one time being under the sink, a plumbing project and it wasn't going well, beat your knuckles and you know there's no room to turn, it's uncomfortable. And I was getting frustrated and I came out from underneath the cabinet and I look up and here's my wife like this over the counter praying for me. Wow, that's so convicting. Why didn't I think of that? You know, such a good idea and so, it's good to teach them to to pause and pray.

44:51 When there's difficulties, go to lord. And then when there's answered prayers, go to lord and my wife taught the kids this little thing, praise the lord. So, whenever they would get a compliment, they praise god. Praise the lord and so it is teaching them that anything good that we do, it's of the lord. So, be sure to take that and give it back to the lord.

45:16 Cory Timboom was asked how she dealt with all the praise that she got from her different speaking engagements and she said, at the end of the day, I think through all the compliments, I gather them up like little flowers and she says, I I create a bouquet of praise and I offer it to the lord. That's really good. So, if we do anything at all pleasing the lord, it's the lord because it's not us naturally. Train, don't entertain in church meetings. Train, don't entertain.

45:46 We're not to be in the entertainment business. We want to train. First Corinthians fourteen twenty three to 31, the whole church came together. I'm a a big fan of keeping the church together as much as possible for common teaching and exhortation and worship and this kind of a a process of working with children. First, teach them to be quiet.

46:09 Teach them to be quiet. You can start with little warnings where they know they're to be quiet and audible, then maybe squeeze a leg. And then after that, it gets more painful. Our daughter Kelsey got more spankings in the church meetings than anywhere else or for any other thing. I would stand up in the Lord's Supper and she would start squawking.

46:31 She knew I couldn't do anything. And so, there was times that after I got done sharing, took her, walked out, it got painful, brought her back in and set her down. Be sure that in the interaction with little children, they're not training you. With some parents, the children start to squawk and scream and the parents leave with a child and take them to nursery so they can play. Right?

46:56 What's that? What's the outcome of that? The child is training the parent that I want to play and I get to play when I scream and squawk. So the idea is if you want the child to set, if you want the child to be quiet, make sure they understand. There's a level of reminding depending on how old the child is.

47:19 That eventually it's got to get painful. Bring the child right back in. In other words, you're training the child, they're not training you. Now, if it's a younger child and they're screaming, you know, one of those really high pitch screams that now really bother me as I get older, then yeah, that's probably a good thing to take them out. But try to get them back in as soon as you can.

47:39 So be quiet, sit quietly. Kelsey was a little wiggle wart. She was falling out of her chair even up the age of seven. She just couldn't sit, you know, just sit quietly, quit fidgeting, just relax, chill. And finally, you know, she kind of learned that, but she was real wiggle wart early on.

48:27 So I think that's good. And teach a child to take meaningful notes. Even at four, five, and six, they can draw little pictures that express things if they can't use words to express it. Confess sin specifically and quickly. If a child has been caught in a sin and they know it, they need to confess it and they need to ask for forgiveness.

48:54 Not to say I'm sorry, but to specifically say what they're sorry for, what they did wrong. That reimprints it. This is a wrong thing to do. I remember it's so, you see these beautiful children, Lord Yeh, but then you see the flesh nature within them, how it comes out and it just wants its way. You try to train here and then it comes out over here.

49:20 And I remember our daughter Kelsey, when she was not even two, we had no's around the house. Things on the coffee table, that's a no. And around seven, eight, nine months the child is making a decision from when they're younger, you say no and they just take the thing and they put it in their mouth. And there's no conscious decision on that. And so you can put it back and put it back on the table.

49:47 But when you say no, and they look back at you, and then they look at it, and then they take it, well now they've made a conscious decision to rebel. And that's when parenting kicks in high gear. And that's where you're associating pain, a negative thing with disobedience. Teach them at an early age to do that. Okay?

50:10 So, that's important. Well, I remember one time Kelsey, she was told not to touch a tree. And so she was in this one piece sleeper. We came in and here she was with her foot tapping the tree. So we spanked her foot.

50:26 She was told that the phone, that's the days we still had cords, was told don't touch the phone. I was in the kitchen. Brenda came in. She said you got to see this. So, I went in there and she was in there bouncing it with her head.

50:41 Not touching it, but bouncing it with her head. So, we spanked the head. The trash can was a no. I'm not going to do this to the pulpit, but basically she came up and rubbed it with the rear. So we spanked her bottom.

51:06 My wife, my mother's into these antique dolls. She makes them and sells them. We don't care about that, but she gives, hope she didn't listen to this tape. Anyway, she gives us these things and we put them up so she sees them and is happy. And one of them has a long yellow hair.

51:26 That's a no no. Antique expensive stuff. And my wife said another time she said, you got to come and see this. So we're looking in there and Kelsey is looking at these dolls. They're on a bench and she's looking at it.

51:40 She knows it's a no and she's there looking at it and she takes her tongue and touches the yellow hair on one of the dolls. Now see, that's what we're working with. We got beautiful little sinners that we're trying to mold, right? And the sin nature comes out. It's a nonstop thing.

51:57 So as soon as you discipline and try to bring order to one thing, the nature is going to try to go to another thing. It's a nonstop effort. But I will say that if you can just focus really hard from about that age, seven to eight months to two years, I believe the main battles are won in that stage. That sets the tone for the rest of life. It doesn't mean they won't need to be tapped in some, but the major training and I think a lot of fruit is in that early years.

52:27 When my wife and I meet once a year, we try to pick one giant to slay in each child. And we usually pick one or two. And then after my wife and I meet together and we go through those five categories, we kind of have a plan for the year for each child and we pick a giant. Then we sit down with a child. We say this is what we think would be good this year.

52:51 What do you think? Do you have any so forth? And what is the giant you want to slay this year? So the giant is some bent, some character bent, some weakness that the child recognizes and that we also recognize. And what we're going to do is hold them accountable so they can overcome that character bent.

53:12 And if you do that year by year, the giants keep getting slayed. And what what's happening is the child is becoming more Christ like. And so that's a great thing for the parents and it's been neat to see the children have the courage to say, want to slay that giant and work for it without the ear. Engage in evangelism. I think this is very important.

53:33 If children grow up evangelizing, then when they get to their adolescent and adult years, it won't seem so strange to be involved in door to door work or preaching gospel or doing open air work or whatever. So, involve the children. When you're, if you do door to door work, bring them along. If you go to nursing homes, rescue missions, bring them along. I remember one time we were up at Niagara Falls, my family, Uncle Dave and Aunt Ruth was there and no telling how many tens of thousands of postcard tracks they've handed out at Niagara Falls.

54:10 But our family was there. We had 2,000 of these things and we were handing them out. My daughter Kate came up, she's just seven, and she says, I want to hand some out too. And she's kind of a little firebrand. I said, okay, sweetheart, that's fine.

54:22 You just stay close though. So, she takes a handful of tracks and she goes up to the biggest, baddest looking guy in the whole area and says, oh, here, you need this. Stuck it right in his gut. And the guy was so stunned that he took it. You know, maybe he wouldn't have taken it from anyone else.

54:41 But I said, hey, come here. A little more tact. But the man took the track. So it's a training backyard clubs, after school clubs. My children are involved with helping my wife and after school clubs have for years.

54:59 It's a wonderful opportunity. We take trips, have the kids take tracks. They can leave them in restaurants, bathrooms, maybe hand one out. It's this great opportunity. If you have tracks with you, then you're more likely to hand them out.

55:13 If you don't, then you won't, right? Uncle Dave said, are you dressed properly? You have tracks with you. That's just the idea of the believer. Okay, we'll just end with a couple of quotes here.

55:29 By the way, don't want to give you an impression that we did everything right. I'm giving you the fruitfulness, the benefit of after the mistakes. Okay. I'm just suggesting things that we found that work. We learn as we go.

55:44 Billy Graham, parents have little time for children. A great vacuum has developed into that vacuum is going to move some kind of ideology. James Dobson, those who control what children, what young people are taught and what they experience, what they see, hear, think and believe will determine the future course for the nation. And perhaps that's why we're in such bad shape as we are. Things are getting darker.

56:15 When I look at the political scene in this country, think bring out the clowns. I mean, it's just getting ridiculous. Come Lord Jesus, right? Come Lord Jesus. So let's just make sure that we don't neglect this great responsibility of training children up for the Lord.

56:35 It's again, they're eternal. It's a great opportunity to use them for the glory of God. And if we are not active in that, something else is going to come in and steal our hearts away from the Lord. Father, we just thank you for these opportunities to think with you about this important matter of parenting. Father, I would just lift up everyone in this room that's a parent.

57:28 We want them to have such a great reward in eternity that would be worthy of you. So please help us for your glory to take this very serious. We want to have children that please you. We ask this in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ. Amen.